Ed Phickle wanted to fly. He did not want to get a pilots license or fly in a airplane. He did not know what a pilots license was. Ed was six years old. He wanted to fly with the freedom of a bird. Unencumbered with the conventional method of flying. He wanted to will his ability to fly. As in “float through the air” type of flying. Even at a young age, Ed was eccentric to say the least. His parents said he had an active imagination. His buddies said he was crazy.
“That boy is crazy.” Said his friends.
Later in life, his wife would recall him as “an old coot” when asked what her husband was like or did for a living.
“That man is just an old coot. Always thinking he can fly. Why, just the other day he said he was going for a walk but the neighbors saw him running! Imagine that. Running at his age," She would say. “And down hill at that! Still thinks he’s six years old. That old coot. But he is my old coot. Just love that man to death.”
Ed practiced flying each and every day. He would put on an old leather cap and a cape his mother made from a pillowcase, then run down a hill as fast as he could. He actually achieved flight a few times. He would run down hill, going faster than his short legs could move thus tripping, falling. In the process of falling, he became airborne for a brief period of time. This action brought about a number of “crashes” but it did not deter Ed. After one of his frequent “crashes” he would report to the first aid station run by his mother, to receive tender loving care. Ed considered the bandages “medals” for his efforts. After all, he was flying!
Ed, at a young age, tried all sorts of gadgets he made, just trying to prove he could fly. He rigged up a piece of flat board into the shape he imagined a flying wing would look like. This resulted in a flying start, sledding down hill on the grass. He enjoyed this new found activity but it was not flying. He gave it to one of his buddies who went on as an adult to invent the snowboard, an activity enjoyed by so many.
One summer, as a teenager, Ed went to the lake side beach. There was a hill/cliff adjacent to the lake. By this time, he had made several modifications to the original “wing”. He went to the top of the hill/cliff, took a running start and ran downhill. He went so fast, as usual he fell achieving flight! However he “flew” right into the lake, skidded a good distance on the water before finally stopping. The wing was big enough to float, thus saving him from sinking. After paddling to shore, Ed declared he was though with trying to make the wing fly and gave it to a friend. His friend, Paulo, put it in the water and paddled around the rest of the day. Having a load of fun. Others at the beach wanted to know if he could make one for them. Paulo said he would try to make another but said he thought, after exhausting himself paddling with his arms all day, canoe or kayak paddles would work better. Later in life Paulo added a sail to the board. Paulo then went on to achieve great things in the sport of wind surfing.
Ed went on with life. He finished school. There was the general opinion he would hurt himself long before he could graduate, thus never finishing. But he persevered, not only finishing H.S. but went on to college. He graduated with a degree in aeronautics having finally learned what airplanes and mechanical flying was all about. He went on to a very good career designing airplane parts for a large airplane manufacturer. Along the way he kept up his pursuit of flight without an airplane. He married his H.S. sweetheart and raised a very fine family. He designed several inventions, at home, related to flying without an airplane. All were failures. This did not discourage Ed. Just made him try harder. And his bride put up with it. One day he thought of an idea for a simple flying suit.
He had been observing flying squirrels in the forest near his home. He observed they had a flap of skin under each leg when they jumped, the skin sort of inflated thus allowing the squirrel to fly or glide to its destination. Ed took an old pair of overalls, attached some material to the legs and arms thus imitating the squirrels flap of skin. Ed never got a chance to try the suit. His bride, not knowing Ed was working on his latest idea, saw the contraption and threw it out for the garbage pick up the next day. By the time Ed had time to get back to working on his new invention the garbage truck had come and gone. He did not have another pair of overall so, as time went by, Ed forgot about the idea.
Unbeknown to Ed the suit would live on. The suit was picked out of the city trash dump by a homeless man who, for some reason, put it on too wear the rest of the day. Along came a man who was a hang glider of some know reputation. When he saw the homeless man walking along the sidewalk wearing the overalls, he immediately recognized an opportunity. The man bought the suit for one hundred dollars, took it to his gliders club house. Made a few minor changes, put it on and ran down a high hill. Not knowing just how this was going to work, he, just like Ed, tripped. It worked! He was gliding. For a long distance. He made a new suit using new, modern materials, added a parachute, went up in the club airplane and jumped out wearing the suit. When he was out of air or just wanted to land he pulled the ripcord. He could glide for great distances. Another great success! This was a lot of fun. The hang glider went on to great success making and selling the flying/glider suit. It became a great sport in its own right.
The homeless man took the money, bought new clothes, applied for, and got a job. The job salary allowed him to get an apartment. He then applied for student aid, went to school. He became a finance adviser for a bank. The bank made bad investments, fired the man who then lost his apartment and was homeless once again. This time, he was able to apply for social security, which allowed him to live in assisted housing. The bank applied for and received government aid, recovered and to this day, continues to make bad investments.
Meanwhile, Ed and his bride raised a family, retired to Florida never having made a cent on his ideas. Never realizing the impact he had on the life of others. He still dreams of flying without an airplane. His bride is still calling him an old coot. He rarely hears her. Ed has a habit of turning down his hearing aids. The grand kids can get a bit loud when they come to visit. They live on the other side of the country. His bride, when asked what Ed used to do for a living would reply “That man is an old coot. Has the same dreams he had as a small boy. One can’t retire from being an old coot. Or a dreamer. But he’s my old coot.”
Plastic or organic Mole/gopher hole plugs. That is the question.
Elmer has critters in his yard. Wants to get rid of them but he opposes hurting critters. Much rather force them to move. Not letting them out of the holes or at least forcing them to dig their way out, may send a message. And that message is “Move Out Of My yard” or as he likes to say, force them to MOOMY. So, plastic or organic.
These critters are hurting Elmer's yard, eating the roots of the flowers. Eating grubs is not as disturbing. *Grubs are not a good thing in his opinion. So, he’s in the market for some hole plugs. Not just any hole plugs, they must be usable for gopher/mole holes and any other types he may see in the yard. They must be made in the USA and be completely organic or completely plastic. They need to be placed using an organic stake to anchor them into the hole. If not, the critters would be able to push the plugs out and go about their business. Critters going about their own business in the yard is not a good thing. It leads to more holes.
“Elmer, what are all the holes in your yard? I hope you”re not digging for oil.” The neighbor inquires.
“Just the critters going about their business.” Elmer replies. “But oil may not be all that bad of an idea. Do you know how to go about getting mineral rights? If I can find a oil drilling rig, would you give me a hand?”
The neighbor looks exasperated and walks off.
Last Saturday Elmer was observed cutting round objects from an old piece of plywood, then using landscaping nails to secure the plywood to the ground. Presumably over the critter holes. The neighbors can only hope he was not building some sort of base for a homemade rig to drill for oil. They surmise said covers may become an eye sore before the summer ends or the critters give up.
Hopefully there is an enterprising person out there who is, even as this is being written, thinking about producing hole plugs to be used in the average home owners yard to force critters to move on. If so, be sure to inform Elmer. All the neighbors would be appreciative.
* Grubs are found in all major habitats, except marine and the polar regions. They have many classes of ecological effects; there are particular species that are adapted to practically every kind of diet. Some are non-specialist detritus feeders, breaking down animal and plant debris; some feed on particular kinds of carrion such as flesh or hide; some feed on wastes such as dung; some feed on fungi, some on particular species of plants, others on a wide range of plants. Some are generalist pollen, flower and fruit eaters. Some are predatory, usually on other invertebrates; some are parasites or parasitoids. Many of the predatory species are important controls of agricultural pests. For example, beetles in the family Coccinellidae ("ladybirds" or "ladybugs") consume aphids, scale insects, thrips, and other plant-sucking insects that damage crops.
*Wikipedia
Works for me.
As with the past generations, a lot has changed in Elmer Phud's life time. The assassination of a president and the attempt on the lives of others may top the list, historically. However, one cannot leave the beginning of space exploration off the list. But there are some small joys he misses & the new generation will never know. Elmer will admit, the new generation is making it’s own history and memories.
The new generation will never know the pleasure of buying a used jalopy that barely runs. With your life savings of $25. Then making repairs. Yes, that's right, repairs (fixing), not just replacing parts. Money was very tight so a person learned to repair things. Automobiles are so complicated these days, it takes a post high school 2 year degree just to know where to start. Parts are never fixed, they are replaced. Back in the day when Elmer worked at a local gas station/garage, items such as a generator was fixed by a mechanic or his helper. Not replaced by a technician. Flat tires were patched, carburetors were cleaned then new parts added. Generators had brushes that frequently wore out. The mechanic would take the generator out of the car, take it apart, replace the worn out brushes and often the bearings also. Alternators have long since replaced the generator. Now if there is a problem with this item, the technician will remove it and put in a new one. Finding a good mechanic will tax your patients as well as your resolve to do so.
Shoes were fixed not thrown away. So called tenner shoes were washed. When the heels on a pair of good “Sunday” shoes wore down, they were taken to a shoe repair shop to have new heels put on. Then the shoes were good for another year or two. “Sunday” shoes were the pair you wore on Sunday to go to church. Work shoes were used for anytime except Sunday. Just try to find a shoe repair shop these days.
Radios, entertainment centers and even televisions had electronic tubes in them. When these items stopped working, it was either taken to the repair shop or the shop would send out a repairman. In either case you went without entertainment for several days if not weeks. Nobody panicked, threw the item away and rushed out to buy another one on credit. No one knew what a boom box or MP3 player was.
Almost every family had a garden. Attended by the kids. They grew items such as corn, beets, even potatoes. This lowered the grocery bill each week. This system had the added benefit of keeping the kids out of trouble, off the streets and gainfully occupied. The extra food was preserved, in jars, for consumption during the non growing season. Some was given to others in the extended family or neighbors who may not have been so fortunate. Some families raised and butchered small creatures such as chickens or rabbits for the table. This supplemented the food bill. The younger generation does not have enough to do these days. They find all kinds of ways to get into serious trouble. Lets put them to work in a garden or butchering chickens.
Fishing is one of the favorite pastime of kids and adults. Fish was food for the family table. Catch and release was not practical nor had anyone heard of it. That was something to be left for a future generation to think about. Back in the day, if you found yourself by a lake or river and the urge to fish fell upon you, you just cut a stick, attached string and hook, baited it with a worm (which was dug up with bare hands) and commenced to catch fish. Any you caught was taken home for supper. A kid always had a piece of string about his person. A hook could be made from old baling wire. A lot of the times, a person fishing was found on the bank, dozing. Catching fish was not always a high priority. Fishing was the priority. No self respecting fisherman these days would be caught without the latest technology designed to catch fish and fisherman alike. It takes a small fortune to buy the equipment required. Boat optional.
Every kid played outside. When asked, a parent would answer with a puzzled look, “Where are the kids?? Outside of course,” while looking as if the person asking was out of his/her mind. You were safe enough as long as you were outside. If you were lucky enough to go to school, you played outdoors fall, winter & spring. Weather did not stop school. Same thing applied after school back in your neighborhood. You did your homework, then outside you went until called for supper. If the neighbors caught you doing something wrong, you got a spanking and another one from your parents when you got home. Time outs were a thing to be invented in the far future. There certainly weren't any games to be played indoors on the television or computer. Television had not reached the neighbor hood and cell phones along with computers had not been invented.
Obesity was never a childhood problem. Not only was the so called “Fast Food” industry in the future, but families didn’t have money for frivolous things. Any funds available was used to put food on the table. Eating between meals was not allowed. There was just enough for three meals a day.
“Lets stop at Big Berger’s for a malted milk,” your high school friend would say.
“Big Berger is a farmer and I don't think he will give us a malted milk,” You reply. “More likely he will want us to help milk the cows.”
“Sorry, did I say that out loud? I was thinking about the future,” your friend replies. “Forget I said that. Milking cows is a lot of work for an eight year old. Besides, I'm not sure what a malted milk is.”
“Your not eight years old.”
“I know but my parents must think so. They say I act like one at least once a week.”
Many parents could not afford new toys for their kids. The kids made their own from scraps of wood found around the older buildings or around areas where there was new construction going on. A kid with a good imagination could make a lot of different toys from blocks of wood & some wire and nails. It was not unusual to see kids playing in a dirt pile, pushing trucks, tractors, and trailers. Driving the toys up to buildings made from the same wood scrapes.
A kid with an imagination could go any where. At least anywhere that he/she had seen in a picture, read in a book or heard on the radio. Or possibly had visited with the parents on an occasional vacation. Not that they had time to go on vacation. They were more concerned about the garden, getting shoes fixed and making repairs to the jalopy so it would last one more year. Going on more fishing trips was a distinct possibility.
Elmer is not a kid any longer so he would not be getting toys for Christmas. He had to work on his jalopy, a 1949 Chevy pick-up with a 350 engine, auto transmission, bored & stroked, dual exhaust pipes, dropped front axle, disc brakes all around. It was painted with a custom flame theme. It had to last at least one more year. He was going to pull his boat to the lake and go fishing. He would stop at Big Berger’s for a malted milk. No, he is not eight years old and he lives in the “now” generation. 
Works for me.
