So You Want To Leave The UNION.

So you want to leave the union and become a separate state. The person you voted for the top office of this union did not get in. Big deal. What, you don’t want to move to another country? Why not? That’s the same as seceding. Oh, I see, you want a large group of people, perhaps millions, to be as miserable as you.

May I suggest an experiment before you make the final decision? Pretend you have seceded. Give up all federal assistance to your state. No federal employee’s. No help when the neighboring state comes over to annex your “New Republic” by brute force. You will receive no funding for the following:

1 Roads. Hospitals. Clean water. Garbage hauling. Etc.

2 Social Security for those retired.

3 Clean power via electric or wind power.

4 No federal programs for the poor or unemployed.

5 This would mean no more Federal housing, jobs, offices or military bases in your state. And many more benefits that is returned to your state.

The list of benefits you will be giving up is almost endless. Way too many to be listed here. Just the loss of the freedom to travel and the loss of Social Security benefits for those who earned that right, just to mention two, would be a tragedy. So I propose your state give up ALL federal benefits for one year. As a test. This will give everyone in your state a taste of their new proposed future. I say you would not last the full year without screaming and begging to be back in the union.

However, you will not be paying federal taxes. Nor have to admit the new top leader, whom you did not vote for, won the election. What a relief that will be. But to fund the current living style, the money must come from somewhere. So there would be a large increase in taxes. Lets call it a “New Republic” tax. Presumably 50% of whatever income you can acquire.

Speaking of money, the current currency would no longer be a legal form to pay debts. Federal Banks would not exist in your universe. After all, it is for the use of the citizens of the United States Of America. Not some rear bum upstart foreign county. 

Each “citizen” will need a passport to travel outside this “New Republic”. If you are allowed to travel or have the means to do so. What makes you think the Union wants your citizens to travel or even work here?By seceding, you are immediately classified as “aliens”. Unwanted. Foreigners. Not to be associated with. Outsiders.

Who would be your defender when a foreign government comes calling, demanding this land is now their land. Why would the union defend you once you announced your independence? Who would defend you? Not I.

Those food items you are currently buying at your local store? Imported from another state? Would not be imported. You would need to learn how to grow your own. What? Not a land owner? Too bad for you. The family down the block has a garden. Maybe you can steal some of their veggies. Without getting shot. Maybe. Maybe not.

So, who is going to be the head of your “New Republic”? A helmet wearing, gun toting, military style uniform wearing egotistical maniac? There is no shortage of those in any state or union. I am sure you can find one immediately. Oh, wait, that’s the person sitting next to you who wants your state to secede from the union!

I’m An Addict.

Hi. My name is El***. I’m an addict.

I’m addicted to Facebook. I have been clean & sober for about 30 minutes now. Boy it feels good. Do U know how hard it is to give it all up? Look who I’m talking to. Of course U do.

It all started when I begged my friends to get an account so we could hang out. Then it snowballed into a 100 or more. I went to links just to “Friend” someone. I just had to visit my newsfeed. I even broke dates just to get on Facebook. Finally it became too much. I LOL without LMAO. At first I was late to work, then I took sick days. Finally I just stopped going to work. By that time I was retired. Redbull & Cheetos was my diet. Tech support was calling me for advice. I just had to break the habit.

So here I am. Thirty minutes ago, I turned off the machine. I rushed right over here. It was the first time I pulled the plug on my laptop in over thirty day’s! It felt weird. But at the same time a monkey was off my back. I hope U can help me.

It feels great to be back on my desk top computer! I know this is a non-English social site, but I have changed my screen name so I can't be tracked so easily. I feel free to talk about my issues here. My Facebook friends will not be able to find me here. I assume I can use this site 24/7.

First I have a question or two:

Where is the ‘LIKE” button?

For that matter, where is the “SHARE” button.

How do I “FRIEND” people?

Can I “UNFRIEND” people and how hard is it to do so?

Can U answer in English? Being an American, I only speak English. I’m sure yo..oops..U understand.

This home page, does it show all my site likes and feeds?

Can I use UR site address on my cars new vanity plates? 

Don’t hesitate to visit me when you are in the States. I will pack a cooler with a couple of bag lunches and some Redbull so we can chat. Online of course.

Oh Don’t forget to sent me your location so I can add it to my online map. Just saying.

And finally, what year is this?

Little Yellow Bird

Food For Thought

 

 

Troops coming home.

I have been reading rants and raves about the President & his desire to bring all the troops from the big sandbox home. I do not believe that will ever happen. Look at the history of occupations by our government, therefore our troops. We still have troops in Cuba. They have been there since the Cuban/American War (1898). Do you think they are coming home? We will never, in your life time, give up our occupation of Cuba.

Look at a more recent time. Since at least WWII, we have had troops on the ground in Japan and some of its territories. Are they coming home? No. How about Korea? We have thousands of troops on the ground there. Are they coming back? The Philippines? Panama? South America? No. So, what makes you think all the troops stationed in the desert countries will be coming back?

The middle east is too important to our government. It is not in our best interest to leave. We leave and our allies will go under or be in a perpetual war. After all, that’s where the oil is. We bring our troops back, we will be open to attack and a war on our shores. So bringing our troops home is out of the question.

Now more than ever, we need to defend against weapons of mass destruction. Some governments, given such a weapon will use it. Against us if no-one else. There are many governments that want all people who do not believe in the same religion as they, DEAD. Wiped from this earth. Not to exist. Period.

No matter who is the president nor what party is in political power, no matter what is told to the public, all troops will not be coming home. We will have troops on the ground in foreign locations for generations.

Interesting.

Spam mail can be interesting. For instance; 1) Today I learned-with out opening of course-I can meet the woman of my dreams. 2) I have a money order for $80,000,000 waiting for me. 3) I can prevent publication of my profile online. 4) There is a web site where every single team member is dedicated to me. And finally my favorite: 5) my face book account-under another email address-has been locked.

Heaven forbid! Did I forget I had another FB account under another email account? I am forgetful but not that forgetful. No, I do not have a FB account with that address so how can it be locked? Or anything else. Why does anyone care if my account is indeed locked? None of their business.

The $80,000,000 dollars-I assume I can have it if I supply my complete information as well as my bank account. I think there may be more than acouple of people I know who think I am foolish, but a complete stranger thinking so is a surprise. I’m surprised, after all the years this scam has been around, A) it is still being used and B) people are still be falling for it. After all, it would have faded many years ago if the were no more suckers to fall for this one. But there appears to be no end to the suckers lining up for quick riches.

Come to think of it, those scams are assuming I am ignorant of the ways of the world. Maybe they do know me. Now That’s scary!

Shooting in the job place.

What's up with all the work place shootings? I have been disappointed after being laid off. I have gone on a drinking spree, been mad at everyone, and even went shopping for items I did not need nor that I should have been spending money on. I have been laid off from many a job.
I owned guns at the time but it never dawn on me I could or should shoot the place up. Even when I was drunk. Is this the new millennium way to create jobs?
When one applies for a job, should that person inform H.R. they have a gun and are willing to use it if they are fired? How big a gun and how much ammo should one buy? Where to store it? At home or in the locker at work? Should you separate the gun from the ammo for safety reasons? Who does a laid off worker shoot? H.R.? Dock workers or the friend in the next booth? Should he ask, before the shooting begins, just how many positions H.R. wants to create? And what type?
So many questions to be solved while planning the great shooting just in case one looses a job. I’m so busy with the job, I do not have time to do the planning let alone the actual deed. Maybe after retirement I will have time. Oh. Wait. I am retired.
Works for me.

Kids are disrespectful.

Kids are disrespectful these days. They act up in public. You can’t take one into a bar without them falling off the stool.

Are you hiring?

It is time for modern business's and their leaders to stop whining about the lack of qualified employees. It is time for the contemporary company to step up and do something about it.

Back in the day ('60's, '70's,) business's met the lack of qualified personnel head on. They hired people, trained them to do the job, supported them by retaining them with a living wage, additional opportunities, additional chances for education and a modern work place. This was called on-the-job training (OJT). The leaders of these companies did not blame others for the downswing in business. When a downswing peaked around the corner, they invested in modern equipment, and added more advertising. In general, worked harder. Complaining about the situation was not allowed. What they didn’t do was whine to the tax payers or government. They didn’t hold out a hand, begging for money from the government. These leaders were known as 'The Greatest Generation'.

The new business leaders whine the government is not doing enough. They complain the education system is not doing enough. They whine the population is not doing enough. They complain you are not doing enough. Their leaders are known as the 'Whine Generation'.

Modern companies created this situation. Companies put obstacles in the way. Age comes to mind. They want some experience but not the years that go along with it. One cannot be achieved without the other. Prospective employees are rejected by computer screening programs. The automated and animated hiring process is the enemy. Applications on-line are the norm. A person seeking a job never gets a chance to see a human being face-to-face. Resume's are being faked in the name of getting a job. Phone calls and walk-ins not wanted. Qualified people can’t create a resume' or fill out on-line form to meet all requirements for a particular position. Just a word out of place may get a reject from a nun-bending system. A masters degree is wanted but a bachelors degree with many years of experience may be a good thing and achievable. This person will be rejected. There are many on-line programs, many different defense mechanism's built into them.

Scrap a system that is by-passing prospective employees, does not do justice to the people it serves and is rejecting future employees with out human intervention. Go back to the face-to-face meetings, the phone calls and, yes, the walk-ins. Connect with the future employee on a personal level. Of course, this will take time, but your organization will be better off. There are many out there that want and are eager to work for your organization, will make great, long term employees. You just need to meet them. Face-to-face.

The Streak.

Elmer Phud was having a streak of bad luck. In January, Elmer broke his nose.

Elmer Phud broke his nose jumping a snowmobile over a crossroads. The ditch on the other side was blown half-full of snow and formed a sharp drop facing the direction he was coming from. The sled cleared the road but dropped onto the edge of the snow bank causing the front of the sled to pivot sharply up. Elmer pivoted sharply down. The handlebar came up to meet his nose at a very fast rate of speed. The sled was at full power so the tracks dug into the snow causing it to shoot up and out of the snowbank. This carried him, his broken helmet, goggles, glasses and nose about 20 ft without touching the snow. It came down and went up twice more before he bailed off. The sled was unhurt. It stopped and grinned at Elmer. Later Big Daddy Phunk set his nose using his hands to straighten it and a piece of duct-tape to keep it in place. All of this was done without a good brewski or common sense. Elmer's nose is almost straight.

The year before, Big Daddy and Elmer had been trail riding, with motorcycles, when Elmer became a few inches shorter. They were in a back woods running on some old logging trails. These trails had small trees down across it and other obstacles. Going into the area they had to jump some of these obstacles with the motorcycles. Everything was fine going in. Coming out was different.

Elmer came up to the last fallen tree, which he had jumped once. The motorcycle misbehaved and struck the tree off center of the frame. The Bike came down, causing the last half of the frame to increase in velocity. This action catapulted Elmer straight up into the air. Surprise! He came straight down on his helmet and balanced there for a few seconds, toppled over. His shoulders stopped the helmet from going any further. HE soon discovered his shoulders were at his waist! Elmer still has the urge to unzip his fly to take a drink of water. Elmer found it hard to get his family to understand why he left the house 6ft 2inches tall and came back 5ft 8 inches. He was not recognized. He finally got in the house by showing a picture ID.

Riding any kind of trail machine can be and is dangerous. Six months ago, Big Daddy Phunk, Wee Willie and Elmer Phud were riding snowmobiles along a deep ditch. Snow was not very deep allowing them to travel at a very good clip. Weaving in and out, up and over and through the snow banks. Elmer was, at that time riding by half sitting and kneeling on the seat to keep himself balanced with one foot on the running board. He was zipping along having fun when he hit a patch of bare dirt. The sled slowed down very quickly, catapulting him forward at the speed the machine had been going. This forced Elmer into a run so fast (He later calculated the speed using scientific methods as 90 mph) his body overshot his legs by several yards. He straight-lined directly into the side of the steep ditch, which broke his fall and ribs (with a loud POP). Because there was not much snow on the side of the ditch, Wee Willie and Big Daddy did not have to follow the cries of pain to find him. The machine stopped unhurt.

They sat around the sleds drinking a few brewski's waiting for Elmer's pain to subside. Elmer used some elastic wrap, wrapped his rib cage tight and took two aspirin. He wore the elastic until the ribs healed. That’s all a doctor would do.

The other day, being a bit older, not wiser, Elmer tried out Grandson’s scooter. He was at the Lake Place talking to Shirley Jo when he said, “If you go get the movie camera, I’ll try to ride Grandson’s scooter.” Not believing him, she did not move. They continued to drink brewski's. Later Elmer mentioned the subject once more. She didn’t believe him.

After their fourth brewski, Elmer picked up the scooter, went a few feet to the road and started down hill. For those of you who may want to try this, don’t. If you must, pick a hill not so steep. Elmer got going and was doing a one legged stand past The Arizona Outlaws and hollered at them. Arizona Bob was heard to say “What was that streak?” Elmer was headed for the docks and lake! By now, he was going faster than he could think! He could not remember where the brake was or even if it had one. He reasoned dirt would slow him down. Elmer went into the dirt just missing a tree and fell head over teakettle. He jumped up dazed and disorientated. His ribs hurt, eyes out of focus and crossed. He slapped himself along side the head trying to get his eyes straight. He was looking straight ahead but could see his right shoulder. The scooter lay there grinning, unhurt.

The first comments Elmer heard after everyone stopped laughing long enough to take a breath was “Hey Elmer, did you get into the demon 151 rum again?”

“No, but does anyone have a bottle of aspirin?” Said Elmer.

My Flash Fiction Stories.

I have been asked “where or what is your inspiration for your stories”. I can honestly say I dream them up.

Inspiration come's to me at the oddest times. Sometimes I see something and it triggers an idea for a story. Other times, I actually dream them in my sleep. Not the whole story, but the idea. I dream a lot when I sleep. I remember few. But sometimes the dream is so real I do not forget it for a couple of days. More than anything, I take from life experiences, twist it, give it some abstract and a story is born. Sometimes I just write a non-sense sentence or a few words just to see what develops. It's surprising how often the story just flows and seems to write it's self. I write as if I was talking. Then I do a lot of editing. I spend a lot more time editing the story than I do writing it from scratch. Many writers get it right the first time. I am not one of those.

Flounder Del-Fishcake has thought about it and he's going into the new car test driving business.

I wrote the above sentence and after several tries, the following (330+ words) story (flash fiction) evolved. It is pure nonsense of course: Sarcasm, if you will.

Most of the automobile manufacturers are offering rebates to entice the public to buy a new vehicle. The average appears to be about $2500 for each vehicle. This is a way for the dealers to pay a customer to buy a new vehicle. Several from the lakeside neighborhood have done just that during the last year or so. They go to a dealer, pick out the one they like, and the dealer gives them some money to buy it. In many proceedings all you need to do is to test-drive a new vehicle and they will pay $50! Buying not required.

Flounder came up with a plan, and He believes it's foolproof. Flounder spent a long two minutes investigating his idea. He would quit his day job and visit dealers as a full time vocation. His plan is to target the brands, models and dealers known to give money for rebates and test-drives. He reasoned if he could take a test drive at least four times a day he would receive $100 a day, 5 days a week, or $25000 a year. If he buy's two vehicles a month he will receive $5000 a month or $60000 a year. $60000 plus $25000 comes to a grand total of $85000 a year just working a few hours a week! What would he do with the cars or trucks he buy's? After further thought he reasoned he could open a car lot and sell the vehicles and make more money. The figures do not lie. If he can average a profit of another $2000 a vehicle and sell just two a month that comes to $4000. An additional $48000 a year!

Now lets add this all up.

$85000 for buying cars and trucks.
$48000 for selling same vehicles.

Equals a profit of $133,000 a year working just a few hours a day with plenty of time for more important things such as fishing. Flounder is convinced this is an exciting opportunity.

But the most important thing I learned about writing is: write. Yes it is that simple. The more you write the more experience you gain. The subject is almost meaningless. But start by writing about a subject you may know something about or have some experience with. Once you have written a story, re-write and do a lot of editing. To have a story come out the way you expect the first time would be a minor miracle.

When you learn, You earn.

Sal the Scout

Sal the Salamander was a very lazy fellow. So lazy he traveled at a very slow walk. A crawl really. He often stopped and looked around very slowly. He had enemies. Humans would use him as bait, add him to a hook to catch fish if they knew he was here. Predators wanted him for a meal. And not as a guest. He did not want to attract attention to himself. He lead a quiet, solitary life.

Sal lived very near a swamp. He called it his “hood”. Sal was a very modern salamander. Specifically, he was a spotted salamander from the Caudata tribe. Unbeknown to most humans, Sal was very strong and very fast. When he had to run. Which was seldom. Sal did not like to run. Sal did like to lay in the sunshine on a sunny day near water and catch flying insects. They were his favorite meal. Crawling ants and other bugs were a delicate treat.

Sal thought of himself as a very handsome salamander. He had the classic short, rounded nose, stubby, wide body and a long articular tail. He had four legs. His front legs had four toes and his back legs had five toes. And he had spots. Never did he want to forget he had yellow spots. A very handsome fellow indeed.

He put those thoughts aside. He was on a scouting mission for the tribe. He was the best scout the tribe had available. Sham, the senior scout, was missing. Sal was sent to scout out a new trail from the home-world, across the human trail, to the water. If the humans had succeeded in capturing Sham, the tribe would need a new way to water. They would not be able to use the current one for fear of capture. The human trail was used by fishermen looking for a salamander to add to the bait bucket. Extreme caution was the operative word.

Sal was convinced Sham made a mistake and was captured by the humans. But he did not express that thought to the tribe. Sal thought there was no need to panic the others. Sham was known to go out on his own without telling the Chief where he was going nor when he would be back. Sham was an independent bachelor and had a girl friend or two he visited. The girl friends were from a neighboring tribe on the further shore of the water source. Sham may show up in a day or two, non the worst for wear. Providing the neighboring Chief did not kill him. 

Sal was now entering strange territory. He had never been this way before in his short life. He moved very, very slowly. His heart and lungs pounding with his heightened nerves. Moved his head side to side. On the lookout for danger. Advanced, stopped, looked, listened and advanced again. He spotted a clearing just ahead. He moved very slowly to the edge of the clearing, determined it was a trail made by humans but not used for a long time. He spied a Garden snake zooming toward him. Sal knew a family of garden snakes that lived a day's travel away to the south. This one was familiar but Sal did not know his name. The snake spied Sal, stopped, looked listened. Edged closer while warning Sal he was friendly but would take no sssass. Sal knew this was all bluff. The snake was not a warrior species. They exchanged pleasantries. Determined each was from a tribe they were friendly with. From the snake, Sal learned humans had not passed the way for eons in snake and salamander time. Not so long ago in human time. From Sal, the snake learned Sham was missing. The snake agreed to spread the word about the missing scout, Sham. After the snake left, Sal decided this would make a great new way to water. Sal stepped out onto the trail and headed toward where he was sure the water was. Suddenly there was a strange rumbling that seemed to come from the earth itself. THUMP! THUMP! THUMP! Sal looked around as best as he could while frozen in place, exposed.

Epilog.

The tribe never heard from Sham or Sal again. No one knew what happened to either one. They no longer existed in the memory of the tribe. Another scout was sent out and became a hero for finding a new trail to water. He was awarded with two new wives. The salamander tribe flourished for several more generations before finally moving to a water source a great distance from the home-world. Human fishermen kept using the path for a long time.

Are You Insane?

For the hobbyist, fishing is a serious business. Being insane helps. Catch and release? Heck, here in reality, it's more likely to be hook'em and cook'em. Remember the old adage “Give a person a fish and they will have a meal for a day. Teach them to fish and they will always have a meal.” Or something like that.

If you are a middle class working stiff, just getting by, paying the bills & feeding the family and the in-laws, you need a little extra. I say take up fishing. I bet, Gar, the caveman was happy he was able to get his hands on a fish. The taste was nothing to write home about until fire was invented many centuries later. Seasoning, several centuries after that. Gar never released a fish back into the water his entire life (thirty years, top). Gar lived in the time of reality. Gar was the first redneck to wade into cold water, reach down and tickled a fish so it would not move. He then grappled it onto the shore where Rage, his mate, sliced and diced it onto a large leaf, to be consumed as an addition to the family meal. Fish was good, the leaf not so much. Gar was just a middle class working stiff feeding his family. Gar and his family were the only well fed cavemen for miles around. Gar kept his ability to catch fish, and the spot where he caught them, a secrete until he died. Then his offspring, not knowing it was a secrete, blabbed to everyone. After centuries went by, the fish critters realized being tickled into not moving was not a healthy thing. So they refused to be tickled any more. This lead to the invention of the fish spear.

Just why Gar decided to tickle a fish remains a mystery forever lost in time. Most everyone believes he was bored with tracking rabbits through the bramble and stopped for a break. Having just the beginnings of a sense of humor he thought it may be funny if he could make a fish laugh. The fish did not laugh. It just didn't move. Gar, angry, swiped at it causing the fish to be flung onto shore. His mate grappled it and...well you know the rest. Just saying.

The first fishing spear was a far cry from the slick, modern, metal ones used today. In fact, many neanderthal had other names for it. Stick heads the list. The idea of using a stick to ..well..stick fish was invented by Gar's offspring, Raze. Raze, an educated caveman, could not stand in the cold water due to arthritis in his lower limbs. Or so he told everyone. There is irrefutable evidence he was just lazy. The fish spear or stick came about after Raze broke off a sturdy tree limb, having bumped his head on it. Angry, he picked it up and flung it into the river. After a moment or two, the limb floated to the top. Low and behold! It had pierced a fish, killing it. Raze waited until it floated within reach, picked it up and prepared a meal. He was not so lazy as to miss a meal. Still hungry, he picked up the stick, flung it into the water. It floated to the top without a fish. This went on for several more times until he learned to throw the stick a certain way and at the fish. Thus, spear fishing was born. Many generations later, Raze II, having just graduated from cave school, got tired of standing in water or on shore. He sat on a nearby log. The log floated away from shore taking Raze II with it. This was a lot more comfortable. More fish in slightly deeper water. Raze II used this method from that day onward. We can thank a cave school graduate for inventing the float boat.

After the spear and the float boat arrived on the scene, modern fishing equipment was not far behind. The average middle class worker followed shortly after. The sport fishing was a close third. Modern man has turned this idea into a elephantine business. All items even remotely related to fishing is a must-have for the modern sportsman. Fishing rods & reels, boats, lures and even camping trailers and motor-homes are a must-have. Most of the items used in the pursuit of the elusive fish are only used about four times a year. The rest of the time it is stored in odd places such as a basement, backyard or the odd corner in a storage building. The use of all the equipment is not a full time requirement. The modern family does not fish just to get a good, or bad, meal. The modern family gets food from a big, box like affair, known as a store. Modern man has invented “groceries”. Hook'em and cook'em is a bonus in the form of an extra meal in the month.

Fishing is a serious business for those who are TOTALY INSANE!

Fishing in MN.

Fishing is a great past time. A fine hobby. Fishing is fun. It's addictive. Catching fish, not so much. There is a big difference between 'fishing' and 'catching fish'.' Namely the later. A lot of fisherman/sportsman go fishing. Few actually catch fish. Few want too.

This writer likes fish for dinner once in a while. This writer does not like to prepare the fish for the said dinner. Namely the cleaning, gutting and slicing part. Too much work. This writer prefers to 'catch fish' in the supermarket. Less work. Less cost. Less preparing. You get the picture.

In my younger day's, I did catch fish. Loved to catch fish. Lots of fish. All types of fish. This awful hobby was a lot of work. Cost a lot of money. Involved a lot of trips to a lake. Different lake almost every trip. Long trips. Over night stays in the wilderness. On the ground. In all types of weather. Rain or shine. But when one adds up the cost of the trip(s) and divide by number of fish caught...well you understand. The fish cost a lot. Cheaper to dip a hand in the supermarket and catch a couple of great fillets, frozen of course. Breaded and prepared for the grill or frying pan. Yum.

This writer started out catching fish from shore. But fishing from the shoreline was limited. Back in the day, public docks did not exist. As the habit of fishing increased its hold, I rented a boat. New freedom. Was able to get to areas further from shore. Caught more fish but the rowing was hard work. Bought an old, small, used, outboard motor. Less rowing but had to work at keeping motor in shape for the fishing season. Then a friend bought a boat. Invited me to fish with him. This just added to the growing habit. But having a friend with a boat meant you went fishing when he was ready to go. I needed a boat of my own. I was addicted. I was hooked. On fishing.

Fishing is not limited to the summer months. Oh no. We in in the state of MN can fish in the winter! Amazing! Its called 'ice fishing' of course. How, you ask? Well, all you need to do is wait until the water freezes to a depth of about 4 inches. (Don't worry, later in the season it will be two feet thick.) Then you walk, slide, drive or whatever, to a likely spot away from shore. For some reason, it helps if you go a long distance from where you got on the ice. Don't know why. Maybe the fish are trying to hide. You take along some means of cutting a hole in the ice. Ice auger, chisel or ax will do just fine. Stomping a hole in the ice is not recommended. But it makes a good campfire story later in the summer. By that time, you will be thawed out.

You need a special rod and reel, special lures and a means of keeping the hole free of ice and do not forget the license required. Oh yes, the state charges you to fish through the ice. Next it would be very nice if you had an 'ice house'. No, it is not made from ice. It can be made from anything including canvass (or if you insist, ice). Don't forget the ice house license. Yes, the state will charge you for a shack you built yourself. Cut the hole in the ice, put up the house over the hole, go in, light fire. Did I mention the heater? No? Well, you will certainly want one of those to keep you warm. Outside it may be 20 degrees below zero. Prepare your fishing rig, wait for hours until a fish incidentally wanders by and decides to take your bait. If you are lucky, you will catch a fish or two. Fun, ain't it?

Fishing is a great pastime. IF YOU ARE TOTALLY INSANE.

My MN Also

There are two subjects never discussed in polite company with a Minnesotan. Not even with the better half. Those subjects are Politics and Religion.

Being a residence of the state of Minnesota, just naturally makes you a very buttoned-up person. We are just too polite to discuss these two subjects simply because we do not want to seem unneighborly by pointing out; 1) You are on the wrong side of the subject. 2) You are wrong. 3) You have the mind and intelligence of a flea. Ducks have more sense.

After all, the two or more of those in the conversation may be very close friends if not relatives. And no one wants to insult someone even if they are family. If you bring up either subject, you will be amazed at how fast the subject gets changed. Almost before the speaker is finished suggesting the topic. “Well, I declare, good old Billy will win this election” said the stranger. “How about them twins, then” you reply, quickly. You do not want the person to embarrass themselves. That's not MN nice!

No, the safest subject to start a conversation when in doubt is the weather. This writer has been at a campfire in the middle of the night at a lakeside campground when complete strangers walk up and inquire about the weather. That night's and tomorrow's. Someone will throw in next weeks just to be friendly. The next thing you know, everyone is friends for life and can discuss anything EXCEPT politics and religion. Even that day's fishing. Al-tho that's a very touchy subject also.

If they had started the conversation with the weather, you know without doubt they be from MN. Or at least have close family here. If they had started with the fishing subject you know they are from a nearby state. If they had started with politics or religion you know right away they will remain strangers and be shunned for the remainder of your trip. No matter where they be from. They will never be true Minnesotans. They belong to the state of oblivious. The topic of your opening conversation tells a lot about you.

Not to say we do not take our politics or religion seriously. We do. But there is a time and place for both. Want to talk politics? Go to a political setting such as you town meetings. Want to discuss religion? Go to the church of your choice. Join the congregation. Do not be the first to bring up a subject. Wait for it. Then jump in. Start by asking a question to feel out the opposition. You do not want to be the only fool in the room. Same rules apply to the political discussions. Never open you mouth and remove all doubt you're a fool. More politicians should follow this excellent advice. If they did, we would have less talks about politics, more about fishing and possibly religion.

To sum up, a conversation with someone from MN is very easy. You just need to stoop to our level and start with the weather. Feel us out. Seeing where we stand on the weather will tell you a lot about us. Sometimes we hate the day's weather, other times we can’t say enough good things about it. No matter the condition of the weather, you will always get a response. Conversely, if you be a Minnesotan traveling in another state, if a complete stranger starts a conversation with you by asking about the weather, you know they be from home!

What to you think about tomorrows weather? Going to be warm enough for you, then?

My MN Too.

Minnesota, the home of the Hamm's Bear. Land of sky blue waters. Diversified, reserved, founded mostly by emigrants from Europe. Full of hard working farmers, teachers, firemen, policemen and Indian chiefs. Innovators, business people & politicians fill the void. Tourist flock to this state to take in the sights, some possibly created by Paul Bunyon, some divinely created and some created by and for mankind. Some came here as tourist and stayed to become residents. We are all proud to be Minnesotans.

So, just who or what is a Minnesotan? He/she is the one telling a fishing story that is based on a true adventure but the details have long been lost. Not to say the adventure never happened. No, just the details are a little abstract to say the least. He or she is the one laughing at an incident that happened to her or him, that at the time, was far from funny. We are a lot who enjoys laughing at ourselves while cautioning the listener never ever do that. It hurts.

When you meet another person that’s carrying a small hairless dog from south of the border and you say “What a cute tiny critter.” That person replies “Yep, but I wanted a Great Dane. Didn't have the money at the time so decided to grow my own.” You give that person a quizzical look and say “Grow your own? What do you mean? How can you grow a Great Dane?” The person replies “I feed it steroids.” That's a Minnesotan! Second generation at least.

We are a peculiar lot. From a variety of cultural backgrounds. What, depends upon just where in the state you are originally from. Most of us admit to having a little redneck in our background. A “redneck” is a state of mind. Not an ethnic family trait. And it is not a full time trait. No one will hang old hubcaps on the living room wall of the family residence. But you will find many a weekend cabin decorated with such items as well as deer, bear, fox, old car parts and lets not forget the odd farm implement and skunk fur. Don't forget the skunk fur. The cabin on or near a lake is the place to let your hair down, so to speak. Unless your full time residence is a lake cabin. Then it is decorated about as normal as anyone’s. Similar to yours. Letting your hair down not optional.

If you can’t talk about the weather, you will be a lonely person forever doomed to talk to yourself. The weather is the universal ice breaker in MN. No matter the social setting. It can be midnight and you are at the local adult watering hole and you want to strike up a conversation with the hotty on the next stool. What do you say? Why “what do you think of the weather the last few day's, then?” of course! The universal ice breaker in MN. It works every place and at any time. Doesn't matter if the one to speak first is male or female. It is immediately understood you want to talk. Of coarse, if it is a very tall person, not so much. If the other person responds in kind, your free to go on to other topics. If you do not have other topics, the new relationship will sputter out. Sputtering out happens a lot. We can be a singular society.

If you decide to take up residence here, it certainly does not hurt to have Ole and Lena as your next door neighbor!

My Minnesota, Chapter one

During my life time I have been asked many times “Where you from? “Why do you live there?” “Don't you want to live anywhere else?” The words are easy. “Minnesota.” “Because.” “No.”

But in truth, the reasons are not easy. I was born to a family of farmers in west central MN. However, my mother was not from MN. In those days, wives followed the husband in his pursuit/choice of a living. So MN was where I was to be born. As were two brothers over the next eight years.

I have, for short periods in my life, lived elsewhere. Those places I found to be a very nice place's to visit but not somewhere I wanted to live for any extended period of time.

There are worst places to live based on location. Minnesota has a temperate climate in that we have a changing of the seasons. Summer, fall, winter and spring come to mind. Our summers for the most part are moderate, however it can get over a hundred degrees for short periods. Fall is the time of harvest, hunting and getting ready for winter. Winter can be mild all season (barely getting down to zero) or it can be extremely cold ( 20 below zero is not uncommon) most of the season. Which, depends on the weather in other parts of the world. We get a lot of our weather systems from our northern neighbor, Canada. Yes, we have high speed circulating winds we refer to as tornadoes (in other parts of the world they are referred to as cyclones). It is not fun to be in the path of one. If you ever have the pleasure of experimenting a MN spring, well, lets just say you will enjoy the time.

A few reasons NOT to life elsewhere:

No or very few snakes. There are rattler snakes in the south east corner of the state along the river bluffs. Most state residents go their entire lives without seeing a snake in MN. Those same residents (namely this writer) go their entire lives avoiding the river  bluffs.

Green grass. In the summer. Winter, not so much.

Flooding happens mostly along the flood plains bordering two or three major rivers. No one will force you to live along a flooding river. I have seen large, flat areas flood from huge amounts of rain fall, but again its rare. The last one I saw was forty years ago.

There are few wild bugs/insects that will do you harm. Most residents never see the harmful ones in their lifetime. Contrary to rumors, mosquito's do not get as big as pigs. As big as dragon flies, maybe.

We have great fishing lakes. Many bodies of water are actually swamps/slews unfit for the modern discriminating fish.

We have great fishing rivers. They wander wherever they please. So finding a good spot could be a challenge.

It is the headwaters of the Mississippi River. Tracing the origins of said river will give you a headache. But you can walk across the great river. Without getting wet.

Spring & summer sports. 'People watching' heads this list.

Winter & fall sports. Snowshoeing, ice fishing comes to the top of the list. Contrary to rumors we do NOT fish for ice.

All the above is just a few reasons to live here. We are located just right within the USA borders. Not too far south nor in Canada. Canada is a great neighbor but I, for one, would not want to live there. Too cold. Too much snow. Short summer. Long winter. If we were further south we would be in Iowa. Everyone knows how Iowa is. They may get a little irritated if we were to be located there. Miffed even. Annoyed for sure. Being located a tad east or west is not even an option. Too close to the oceans. We Minnesotans love our lakes. Oceans not so much.

Most visitors or new residents can find us a little on the conservative side. We are more reserved than conservative. Except when we are talking about politics. We also have “Minnesota Nice,” A state all it's own. No one else in the world has this. You have not lived until you have experienced MN nice. If you, a visitor, are lost and stop to ask directions, you may get quit a surprise. First you will get the directions you wanted, if the person you asked knows them. If not he/she will direct you to someone who does. The person will have a regional accent so bear with them. Listen closely. “Just park it over there” you are told. This person will give you the exact distance in miles, the time it will take to the very minute, accounting for driving faster than the law allows of course. Then you get advice on how to drive. The MN way. Next you may get a long version of the history of the place you are looking for. Along with some history made up on the spot. The more colorful history, the longer this takes. So a half minute you expected to be delayed has now turned into a half hour/forty five minutes. At this time you need to make excuses so you can get on your way. But wait! The person is asking “Where you from, then?” You do not want to be impolite. After all, you are representing your home town. So you say “I'm from-----------.” Big mistake. The person you are talking too has been there! Knows people there! Has a cousin, four times removed, lives there. Asks you if you know them. Describes them. One at a time. In detail or as much as they remember. Along with their own history! Another half hour is wasted. You are now invited to coffee. No matter this person is not in front of his/her own home. The coffee shop around the corner will do! Needless to say the person will not take NO NO NO for an answer. An hour later you fake an incoming emergency phone call just to get away, wishing you had thought of it some time ago. However he/she paid for the coffee, pie and donuts. The parking fee as well. That’s a plus. Made a friend for life. Agreed to meet same place next year. Bring the entire family. Pets, cousins and all. No, no need to get a hotel/motel. Wouldn't hear of it! Stay at our place! By now the place you wanted to visit has slipped your mind. Time to return to the hotel. Try again tomorrow. Now just where were we staying? Lets ask someone.

Minnesota nice. Nothing like it. And it is all our own.

I enjoy watching old movies and old TV shows simply because I do not remember seeing them the first time, if I did see them. I seem to be more critical now. Especially about older western shows and movies. Lately, I have noticed many, pertaining to the late 1870's or so, showing scenes that have square hay/straw bales. Hey, bales were not in use until the early 1930's! So how can there be hay/straw “BALES” in stories that take place in the 1870's? In the late 1800's into the 1900's, the “shock bundle” was all that was available. These machines were pulled by horses. “Bales” came about after the combustion engine was popularized for the farm. Some of the first “balers” (powered by the combustion engine) were stationary due to the lack of tractors. Horses were unsuitable for the operation of early baling machines. The mobile baler was not developed until about 1940! These shows were 65 years ahead of the times! Did these pictures/shows predict the future?

Small miscues stick out. Or I am attentive and actually watch the show. I have seen Marshall Dillon’s gun go off before he had it online to his target. His gun would smoke before he pulled the trigger. Yep. You guessed it, he hit the target. I have seen many scenes (in various shows/movies) in which the actor, while the camera panned between different characters, be sitting or standing in a different manner, hands on hips, gun in hand etc. Actresses will have a different hair style in the same scene. Originally it may be messed up and on the next pan, it would be combed. Daniel Boone was not immune from such gaffs. Some times he shot twice from a muzzle loader with out reloading! A miracle if there ever was one.

Telephone wires in the 1870's is a common gaffe as well as modern buildings in the background. Gene Autrey rode his horse on GRADED roads. Roads that clearly showed automobile tire tracks! If you look close you will see he rode different horses named 'Champion' (the markings are not the same). Many a knife, sword, spear or arrows would bend at the wrong time. Do you think they may have been rubber? Accidents such as wagons falling on a character were clearly dummies. And bad ones at that. How did they come out dry after falling into the river? It remains a mystery.

But no matter. At the time, we as kids, saw the picture show we were entertained and cheered for the hero. Even when he kissed his horse and not the heroine. Watching a badly choreographed picture show did not take away the pleasure of escaping into an imaginative world. A world that was so much simpler than today's. Watching those old shows/pictures one quickly notices very little blood, no bruises or holes in the wardrobe after being shot, stabbed and full of arrows. One can only surmise the wardrobes had more value than the actors. No bumps, bruises or broken bones from falling from the top of a building or off a running horse and being dragged. Try making a picture show like that today. Why, you'd get laughed out of town!

So I say bring back the old time picture shows. They are and were much more entertaining. Gaffes and all.

You are on the wrong side.

It has been said, many times, the only bad press exposure is no press exposure. It still applies with today's media. All the exposure Chik-Fil-A is getting online (free) is something they could never buy. Every one who comments (on sites other than the company site), no matter which side of the imagined controversy, perpetrates Chik-Fil-A to take another trip to the bank with a bagful of money. It does not matter what is said, as long as something is said.

This writer does not know anything about Chik-Fil-A, do not know where one is nor have ever been in one and do not intend to go into one. In other words, they have absolutely no affect on my life. Nada. Nein. Zilch. Admittedly, this writer knows nothing about the issues surrounding this company. Do not care to know. Does not affect me. This writer has better things to do than waste brain cells being concerned about this companies policies or business practices. This writer has never spent a dime for their products nor ever intends to.

Point one: The truth is always in the eye of the beholder. In other words, you will believe what you want to believe. No matter who said what.

Point two: If you believe side A, you will never believe side B unless you are convinced you were wrong. And vice versus. Fat chance.

Point three: If you are or are not a customer and like its product and policies, good for you.

Point four: If you are or are not a customer and do not like its products and policies, good for you.

Fact one: If it is a bad company, puts out a bad product, it will die of natural causes. Does not matter what rumors you may believe.

Fact two: If it is a good company, puts out a good product, it will survive the bad times and flourish. Does not matter what rumors you may believe.

Fact three: The more you spread rumors, the more they like it. They cannot buy that type of exposure. They are very happy to have you working for them free of charge.

Fact four: This is the most important fact. No matter which side you are on, you are on the wrong side. Just ask the person next to you.

So STOP spreading rumors. If you have an honest opinion based on your personal experience, go to the appropriate company site and give it. They will appreciate it.

No Brag, Just Fact.