Tenting

“Here comes someone else” Said Shirly Jo.

On this trip we were camped on the hill next to the public boat landing in BERT’S BAIT AN’ BACON RESORT on Smoke lake. The usual suspects were sitting next to the fire pit, entertaining themselves with a few brewski’s and watching people launch their boats the evening before spring fishing opener. There was myself, Grandson, Skunk, Miles and Shirly Jo.

A couple about our generation drove a car into the turn-around. They had to back their boat down the slope toward the dock at the same time making a sharp turn. Before they tried to back the boat, they both got out to get the rig ready for the water. They took off the tie-downs, and tarp. They seemed to disagree about this process. They appeared to be arguing. The woman told the guy (in a loud voice) to get in, back it up and shut up.

“Watch this, ” said Skunk. “They’re from Iowa. Let’s see what they do.”

“Yep. Pig farmers from Iowa” I said. “Grandson, get me another brew, this could take awhile.”

The guy tried backing up with the woman shouting directions. Because of the sharp turn needed to get the rig lined up with the dock, he made several tries. He was cussing. She was shouting directions and gesturing. Both getting a little upset until finally the rig was lined up. Then the fun began.

He gunned the car sharply backwards and then at the proper time slammed on the brakes expecting the boat to slide off. This was a common practice. If the rig was prepared properly, the boat would slide off when the rig was stopped sharply. In this case the rig wasn’t in water deep enough. He pulled up the ramp. Tried it again. The water was deep enough and the boat started to float but did not break free of the trailer. He shouts at the woman to pull on the rope. Which she does without success. So he backs deeper into the water. By now we could see the trailer was floating.

He couldn’t see what was going on so he got out of the car and helped her pull on the rope. Nothing moved. He’s now blaming this situation on the woman. Had to be her fault.

“Look at that, ” said Miles. “They still have a tie-down wrapped around the rear of the boat and it must be tied to the trailer.”

About that time the couple also noticed the tie-down. The guy looked sheepishly around to see if anyone noticed. All he saw was our group laughing so hard we fell on the ground. This of coarse lead to a few more brewski,s and a few more campsite lies before we settled down for the night.

Don’t confuse campsite lies with the regular kind. The regular kind could hurt someone. No, these are the entertaining types. An example would be if you said “That fish was so big it took me two days just to drive around it with my 4X4.” That’s a nice campsite lie. Unless of coarse it really happened, then it’s just another story. And it is usually said only after everyone has had a limit of brewski’s. Not that I had any brews or lies to tell. All in all, an entertaining evening was had by all.

Before dark, Miles had pitched her tent with the flap opening toward the lake. The hill sloped down and then dropped sharply to the water. The rest of us had pitched our tents on flat ground. We were experienced campers. Some time during the night, she got to rolling around in her sleep and rolled out the flap. Tossing and turning in her sleeping bag she just naturally rolled and slid down hill toward the lake, still sound asleep. They say a rolling stone gathers no moss. She not only gathered moss but a chipmunk, several sticks and startled a raccoon. She finally stopped next to a gentlemanly boulder on the edge of the lake. When daylight finally woke her up she started shouting, the chipmunk was screaming, badly upset and the raccoon was packing to leave the county. She learned it is best to pitch a tent on flat ground or risk ending up in the water far from where she started.

Camping next to a dock works for me.

Good Bye Wolf Den

A sad thing happened this spring. I finally had to sell off the Wolf Den, my faithful R V of many years. The Den is a 35 ft. Mallard R V trailer with all the amenities which I kept on a seasonal lot at Woody’s Bagels an’ Bait resort near Nojobland MN. She kept silent watch over my ‘TOON during the cold winters all by herself with out complaining. Not even a dog would do that. She watched as I bought wood and built a railing for the deck which we all used as an outdoor bar. She watched as I assembled a glider, to set in, under the awning on rainy days. She did not complain as I extended the deck so that more friends could sit with me on those days. She did not holler when I added metal hooks to the deck so we could tie dogs up when friends came to visit. She did shed tears when one of the local neighbors fell through the ice during the winter a few years back.

I bet it felt real good each tie I washed it with a good stiff brush. You could almost hear her give a sigh of pleasure. She laughed when I ran after a big white wolf, which was nosing around her skirts. She laughed when I had fun. She always played happy country songs on her radio. She laughed when I laughed so hard I spit beer out my nose three times in one night and had to run off the deck each time. She grinned when we had a neighborhood cookout in the yard in front of her. She was sad when each season ended and happy when a new one started. It tickled her when I hung up painted hubcaps on her outside wall. She always greeted temporary weekend neighbors with a good word and a smile. She always enjoyed the visiting children even when they left sticky candy on her rug.

She did not complain when I failed to put up a name sign in her honor. Or when sparks from the many campfires burned small holes in her awning. The one draw back she had was the inability to grow at the same rate with the additional members of my extended Lakeside family.

The Wolf Den was a lady by all accounts. The new trailer is a bull of a unit. A 14x60 mobile home. Built to last a long time. He will take a lot of training. He has already been demanding a name sign to be put up as soon as possible. And what about steps? Have you bought the skirting yet? So far, nothing but complaints.

 

Works For Me.

Elmer gets a new ride.

Elmer Phud was sitting on his new porch in front on his new shed trying to relax. Elmer was thinking about stress. He came up with a perfect example of stress.
 
Stress happens when you find yourself the host of the Saturday night campfire and you run out of brewski's around midnight. Your date and the neighbors start to get real ugly. Mental stress goes without saying. Bodily harm is a real possibility. Total strangers (and new friends) disappear without a trace. Fish fillet knives flash in the firelight and ductape along with spools of 25# fishing line appears out of nowhere. The weak minded withdraw into themselves. People scream in the dark.
The next morning you will find empty brewski cans lying around and in the fire pit. Chairs upset and the firewood all gone. You can expect some of your plants to be dead and the grass trampled. A deck littered with cigar wrappers is not uncommon. Strange moaning coming from all directions, some from yourself. Around noon the guests from the night before will still have bloodshot eyes and an angry look. They may not talk to you until you have replenished your brewski supply.
 
Having defined stress Elmer decided to cause some.
 
Walking over to Skunks trailer and looking in the window Elmer shouted “ What ja doing then?” Skunk has selective hearing. This action startled Skunk into jumping up from his easy chair, spilling something onto the floor.
 
“%$&&^^%%$# fencepost” His yelled, spinning around. “Oh. It’s only you. I heard you sneaking up on me again. How many times have I told you, I’m a hunter, I can hear a Buck Deer breaking wind while chewing his cud when he’s standing behind a bear for protection. No need to shout. You made me bite my smoke in half.”
 
“I thought I smelled an old shoe burning. It’s only a little DOOBY ” Elmer said, laughing. “I thought you gave that nasty habit up for lent in 1975.”
 
Elmer Phud has known Skunk most of his adult life and he’s still living in the ‘60s. Long hair, beard and a short train of thought when it bothers to get started. Elmer does his best to see to it he has company and some entertainment now and then.
 
“I did but this is my last baggy from those plants we found a few years ago along the rail road tracks over by….over by…Hmmm....Don’t tell me. Oh yea, Flower Bay ” said Skunk, all the while trying to remain still but only managed to weave back and forth. “I hide it a couple of years ago. Forgot where until I saw it behind some rags in the shed. It’s good SSSSH_t too!”
 
“Well, since you need to get rid of it, I feel it’s my duty to come in and help you. Hope you stocked up on munches.”
 
Meanwhile the other suspicious caricatures around the lakeside ‘hood were off doing their thing. Mumbles and Stumbles went looking for garage sales. Elmer often wondered what they plan on doing with a used garage if they bought one. And how would they get it home? Do they look for certain colors? What size would one look for? Type of siding? Elmer's mind’s starting to wander just standing near that rope-a-dope.
 
Miles went into NOJOBLAND (town) looking for fishing gear for her honey, Wheels. Shirly Jo was sitting on the deck Talking to Mrs. Woody. It was a very nice day until Elmer mentioned a road trip. Elmer has a few failings.
 
They were in Shirly Jo’s living room eating leftovers. “Let’s run over to Melon’s Bait & Sushi Bar on Whatjagot Bay. I understand her husband sells golf carts “ Elmer said. “Maybe I can get one just like yours. Only with four wheels. And electric. Used. Cheap. With head lights. Not a Harley. Otherwise the same.” 
 
They decided to take Elmer's truck, “ONROAD2X2”. Elmer no sooner got it started than Skunk broke wind. The smell suddenly had dogs from a block away complaining. Elmer gagged and bailed out, cussing a blue streak. Luckily Shirly Jo had not gotten in yet so she was free to run for her life. The grass started to wilt. Skunk was grinning with that gap between his teeth showing and had the gall to say “Did I do that.” He was real proud. Needless to say, the trip was postponed while we waited for the smell to come down to a breathable level. It took two days.
 
They finally got to Whatjagot Bay to look at golf carts. Elmer did buy one for a reasonable price by promising his third born but he figured he got a good deal because the dealer didn’t know he only had two kids. He should hold his breath waiting for the third one. Elmer didn’t get old doing something foolish.
 
Elmer Phud took it home and added some headlights and a wood box on the back so it could be used for hauling things back and forth from the boat, the Looney “Toon.
 
Not long after that, Elmer's friend Pita and her two kids came over for a weekend of fishing. They enjoyed driving his new ride around until it came time to put it away. He always parked it facing the mobile home, which was not skirted yet. With both kids on board, Pita put it in gear and pushed the go pedal down and the cart jump forward and crashed into the house. It became jammed under the edge of the house and broke the headlights while bending the steering post down and trapping her in. The kids had ducked down so they were free and unhurt. Elmer deflated the tires to free her and the cart. The damages were not bad. The headlights and the steering wheel were turned into junk.
 
A couple of weeks went by while Elmer located a new steering wheel and repaired the cart. Did he throw away the broken wheel? Of coarse not. He recycled it, creating a trophy, which he gave to her as a reminder of the incident.
 
Works for me.