Screen door for automobiles

Screen door for automobiles. Yes. That’s what I need. Screen door for automobiles.
 
I took a swipe at a bug in my car, swerved to avoid ramming a tree and got this brilliant idea. Just as a screen door on a house keeps the flies out, I need a screen door or two. A fresh breeze would blow through while keeping the bugs out. Brilliant I say, just brilliant. It does not need to be nor should it be, built from window screen. No, it must be sturdy. More of a perforated metal type of construction. Window optional. For van types of automobile, the sliding door(s) would suffice. Or how about the rear hatch on your new SUV? It needs a screen door.

  This item would cancel the need to open a window for fresh air or a steady breeze. The down side is it would not be a DIY project unless one works as a body and door technician. The custom install would need to be done by a professional shop. It may take more than eight hours to complete. More like a week if you use the same auto shop as I do. And paintable. Must be paintable. Custom colors are all the rage. Say you drive a red vehicle. You could choose to paint the new door in a rainbow of colors. A real eye catcher. Thus drawing attention to your custom ride.

“I never saw anything like it.” A passerby comments. “Un-describable”.

“Ya, a real winner. I’m glad your pleased with my effort. Notice the rainbow paint and how it makes the rest of the vehicle stand out. Did it all myself.” You reply, pointing to the vehicle. “You never notice the rust spots with this baby. How do you like the added detail of the brush strokes? Great aren’t they.” 

 Self shading automobile glass (transition glass). Lets not forget the glass. *Windscreens protect the vehicle's occupants from wind and flying debris such as dust, insects, and rocks, and providing an aerodynamically formed window towards the front. UV Coating may be applied to screen out harmful ultraviolet radiation. This writer believes if they can make transition lenses for eye glasses, it is just a small step to making them for vehicles. Auto-shading glass would be a big benefit for the driver. No more using sunglasses while driving. Sunglasses can/do distort the vision a little. No more guessing when to turn. The vehicle glass would change to a complete sun blocking windshield. Dark in the summer when the sun is the brightest, lighter in the winter when the sun is not so bright.

“How do you see out of that thing?” Your neighbor asks. “It looks really, really dark.”

“Well, before I put it in gear, I sit in it for about ten minutes to let my eyes get used to it.” You reply. “Then I drive real slow. It distorts the sight just a little. Not like real sunglasses do. I wish it came in my sight prescription. Like the new door?”

“All the other neighbors are right about you.” Your neighbor says. “You do seem different than others.”

So if you can find the above products, let this writer know. I have been wanting to add custom features to my vehicle for some time. A screen door or new windshield would be just the thing.

 Hey. Works for me.
*Wikipedia

Tail Pipe Smoker

We spend a lot of time in our automobiles. Lets start smoking. No, not tobacco. Food.

If we had an apparatus to cook/smoke food in our vehicles and used it, we could have a hot meal waiting for us when we finally reached our destination. Just imagine the look on your co-workers face when you tell them the hot breakfast you have with you was cooked by your vehicle as you were driving to work.

“Hey Ralph, where did you stop for the hot breakfast?” Your co-worker would say.

“I didn't need to stop, Arlene. My New automobile oven made this for me as I was driving to work.” you reply. “I asked a homeless person to reach in and flip the sausages when I stopped for a red light. Sorry, I didn’t make enough for both of us.”

She does a double take, stares speechless. Puckers up like a fish. Priceless.

This apparatus, once bought and installed, would resemble an oven. Powered by the hot air produced by the auto’s exhaust. After all, there is a lot of heat from said auto wasted just driving around. If you drive a SUV/Station Wagon type, it could be installed behind the back seat, accessible from the rear only. We don’t want someone to have an accident while reaching around to flip the sausages. May as well let them use the car phone at the same time. Result would be the same.

“You’re going to jail? Why?” Your former co-workers ask.

“I ran over a dog while flipping burgers.” You reply.

Not the best situation as you can imagine.

Cooking while driving will be a great time saver for those who are always behind in their daily lives. That pot roast for hubby would be a breeze. Stop at the grocery store, buy the ingredients, throw them into the auto-oven, turn it on with proper temperature setting and drive home. Be prepared to circle the block a few times until the timer dings. For those techno geeks out there, a model could be fitted with remote control much like your fancy TV is today. Our lawmakers may need to enact another frivolous law banning the use of remotes while driving.

“Again, why are you going to court?” From your spouse.

“I was stopped for illegal use of a dangerous remote.” You tell your spouse. You may want to avoid that conversation.

Cooking while driving has been around a while as evidenced by the following from Wikipedia.

Engine Cooking is the art of cooking food from the excess heat of an internal combustion engine. Typically the engine of a car or a truck. The phenomenon may have started when truckers began to heat their lunch from the heat of the engine of their vehicles. It is a method that has been known for decades not only by truckers, but also as a bush craft by adventurers. The method of cooking with the heat of an engine is a viable way to prepare your meal while on an adventure trip, and is even known to be used by people during power cuts when they cannot use their kitchen appliances.
 
The first engine cooking experiments were done by hungry truckers who came up with the idea to make a small vent hole in the lid of cans of soup, and then place it on the hot exhaust manifold before hitting the road. When arriving at the destination, lunch was ready. This however cannot be recommended as cans used for canned food are typically coated on the inside in a layer of epoxy resin.

Other communities has been embracing engine cooking. These being van dwellers and people living by the road. Several of these communities have addressed the topic to cook on the heat of your car engine on online blogs. The principle for preparing food from the excess heat of a car engine is simple. A hot-spot is identified, for example the exhaust manifold. The food that is to be prepared are wrapped in several layers of tin-foil. This serves two purposes. The first purpose is to act as a conductor so that heat is distributed evenly. The second purpose is to shield the food from any contaminants present in the engine compartment. The food is secured using steel wire and tied down to the hot-spot. Finally the car is driven until the food has been cooked.
 
Just imagine the joy of smoked fish. You go to the lake, catch a few fish, throw them into the oven, add some wood chips, set to smoke and drive home. The oven emits smoke out the back, if its properly vented, that is. Be prepared for some un-informed fool trying to stop you to tell you your auto is on fire. Just ignore them. Stopping may affect the time and temperature. Large amounts of smoke out the back is normal for this situation. If it is not properly installed, not only will the fish be smoked and editable, but your spouse may take a fork to you also. A situation to be avoided if at all possible. You may not want to explain, in court, how a fork led to your divorce.

“Sir, will you explain to this court again the reason your former spouse is suing you for support?” The judge will ask.

“Beats me, your honor. I was just smoking on the way home.” You reply. “She took one look at me and got smoking hot under the collar. I took the fork away from her just as she was reaching for the steak knife.”

I suggest you avoid this situation all together. So lets all do our part. Buy an auto-oven today and enjoy surprising everyone with your ingenuity. And if this type of cooking oven does not exist, invent one. I, for one, would volunteer to use it for the life of my automobile. My other half is used to my eccentricities. She’s always hot under the collar. I may have to lock up the silverware.

Works for me.

Rootless crabgrass

Rootless crabgrass. That’s what every home owner needs. Yep. That’s it. Just plane old rootless crabgrass. Something so simple, any horticulturalist could come up with it. In fact, this writer is very surprised it has not been done before now. Crabgrass spreads via the root. Take away the root and it will not spread. As I said, simple.

*Digitaria is a genus of about 300 species of grass native to tropical and warm temperate regions. Common names include crabgrass, finger-grass, and fonio. They are slender monocotyledonous annual and perennial lawn, pasture, and forage plants; some are often considered lawn pests. Digitus is the Latin word for "finger", and they are distinguished by the long, finger-like inflorescences they produce.

All crabgrass's have similar growth habits and flowering structures, but species are separated by minor differences in the flower structures and leaf pubescence. They typically have spreading stems with wide flat leaf blades that lie on the ground with the tips ascending. The inflorescence is a panicle in which the spike-like branches are arranged in digitate fashion. The spikelet's are arranged in two rows on an angled or winged rachis. Each spikelet has two florets, only one of which is fertile. The first bracts at the base of the spikelet's are either very minute or absent.

Crabgrass seed has a long germination period; if conditions are right, it can germinate throughout the growing season. Crabgrass's occur in tropical, subtropical, and temperate regions of both hemispheres.

Crabgrass's have uses despite being classified by many as weeds. The seeds, most notably those of fonio, can be toasted and ground into a flour, which can be used to make porridge or fermented to make beer. Fonio has been widely used as a staple crop in parts of Africa. It also has decent nutrient qualities as a forage for cattle.

They are annual plants, and one plant is capable of producing 150,000 seeds per season. The seeds germinate in the late spring and early summer and outcompete the domesticated lawn grasses and expand outward in a circle up to 12 inches in diameter. In the fall when the plants die they leave large voids in the lawn. The voids then become prime areas for the crabgrass seeds to germinate the following season.

Biological control is preferable over toxin use on lawns as crabgrass emergence is not the cause of poor lawn health but a symptom, and crabgrass will return annually if the lawn health is not improved by fertilization and proper watering. Crabgrass is quickly outcompeted by healthy lawn permanently because as an annual plant, crabgrass dies off in fall and needs open soil without other vegetation for the germination of its seeds the next spring to survive.

Fertilizing and watering the lawn appears to this writer as a lot of work. Work is exactly what needs to be avoided. Same goes for the idea of keeping the lawn healthy. Work, work, work. It is much easier on the packet book, not to mention the back, to avoid work when it comes to the subject of yard work. If taking away the root is out of the question, at least make them sterile. That may work also. As long as they die out. Never to return. This writer disagrees with the above as to needing open soil to grow. Yes I have seen it grow in open areas but I have seen it grow in the existing grassy areas. Just look at the yard and the neighbors yard and you will become a believer.

So I’ll have an order of seedless crabgrass, please.

*from Wikipedia

Hey, Works for me.

Whole house door AC unit

Whole house door AC unit. That's what would work for my home place. The widows are in the wrong location to add a window AC unit which would cool the whole house. But a doorway with an AC unit? What an idea! No, I do not want to board up a doorway, cut out an opening for and mount the AC unit. Then never be able to use the door as long as it is AC season. That's been done.  

No, I mean an AC unit with the shape, about the same thickness and size of a door. One that functions as a door as well. You know, walk in thru the AC unit.
 
"Come in." you call out to your visitor. "Use the AC. It’s unlocked."
 
A great invention yet to be discovered. And a conversation piece. This idea is not beyond the realm of reality. Technology is available. It is just a matter of packaging the technology to the shape of a functional door. After all, doors are installed into a common standard frame. It would install to the exiting hinges so it would/could be a DIY project. Pop out the hinge pins, remove the door (replace complete set of hinges if so desired), place new AC door in place, pop in hinge pins, plug in the electrical cord. The time it would take is about the same as the time it takes to write the last two or three sentences. 
 
It would be available in several styles for the discriminating home owner. Window optional. Imagine looking thru your AC to see who your visitor is. Various colors (to match most any decor) and BTU's as well. Painting to match house color not out of the question.
Program the AC with the modern, wireless, touch screen, computer type controls. In fact, with the right programing, it could be controlled from anywhere thru a wireless laptop. Much like sending a print command to a wireless printer.      
  
It will take someone with future sight to get the idea to market. Are you that person? If so, let this writer know. The writer will volunteer his home for the prototype.

 What a cool idea!                       

                   

Tobacco pipe

This writer thinks what this economy needs is a great tobacco pipe. The cheaper, the better. When things get a little rough, take out your pipe, fill it with your favorite tobacco, light it and enjoy. If you can stand the awful taste. Not to mention the smell. It will stink up your skin, your clothes and dull your taste buds. You may even get a little dizzy (high). Falling down may not be out of the question. Yes, this is a legal substance. Be prepared to be kicked out of every building in sight, if you chose to smoke. Smoking indoors is not legal. 

One must buy said pipe, decide from many different types, buy the tobacco, again decide from many offered, fill, light, smoke. But wait! This is not only time consuming but costly. But, because this writer is not only a cheapskate but also rather lazy, a better idea came to mind. Yes, a much better idea. Wait for it…….A smokers pipe made from tobacco! All in one. Much better, right? Buy said pipe, light and smoke! No more decisions about type of pipe or tobacco. Right? 

So I challenge the inventor out there to come up with a better product. It does not need to be completely made from tobacco, just the smoking/burning area. Just think of it. A fully loaded pipe. Amazing! However for aesthetics it must be in the shape of current pipe styles. So it looks like you are smoking a pipe. No false advertising. The mouth piece must be made from something sturdy. A tobacco stem would not be sturdy enough. 

Just gather some tobacco, put into mold, press and… Bingo! You have a new product. Of course, one must find a binder material to mix in with the tobacco. So the new product will hold it’s shape. One not harmful to all. That may be a joy killer.

What an idea! I get excited just thinking about such a product and I am not a smoker. A million dollar idea.

If someone out there likes this idea and can develop it, contact this writer. I am willing to start smoking a pipe. I will risk wearing smoky smelling clothes. My taste buds are already shot.

Works for me.

Clear BBQ grill hood

Clear BBQ grill hood (to view cooking without lifting hood). That’s what we need. A cheap, after market BBQ grill hood. A see-through model. A self cleaning grill. Don’t forget the self cleaner. Does not need to be see-through.

 After cooking pizza, brat’s and biscuits on the barby, this writer found it difficult to see the progress of said delights. A see-through cover would be an improvement. Because it is difficult to regulate the heat it would be nice to at least see the progress. Without lifting the hood. The lifting of the hood causes a loss of heat. The loss of heat contributes to the difficulty of regulating said heat. A continuous round of lifting, heat loss, adjusting heat etc.. Using the barby is exhausting.

A see-through hood could be made for many makes and models. As a replacement any grill owner could replace. With a minimum amount of tools. Say a screwdriver, hammer and a bigger hammer. Maybe a bigger screwdriver also. Things any self-respecting BBQ owner has around his/her grill. Some cooks are not as experienced as this writer. Some cooks overcook the burgers. Thus the need for tools to remove the burgers from grill. This writer has said tools just in case they are needed. Has not happened yet.

 The hood could be made from a heat resistant plastic or just a metal hood with a heat resistant window placed in it. Much like modern ovens. We all recognize BBQ's are just a gas oven designed to work out doors. Don't forget the temperature gauge. It must have a temperature gauge. With just a few tap's with the old handy hammer, the old hood would be removed. And with a few more tap's with a handy hammer, the new hood would be added. Viola! A see-through barby! Screwdriver and other tools optional.

 Lets not forget the self cleaning grill. This also could be made as a replacement for many makes and models. The BBQ owner would use the same tools as mentioned earlier. Thus reducing the number/amount of different styles of tools required. After all, we do not want the BBQ owner to spend money on things other than BBQ accessories. That would be self defeating. The average BBQ owner/user is not a tool toting Neanderthal. although they (Neanderthals) may have invented BBQ'g. No, the average BBQ owner is a well educated high school graduate with a burning desire to cook out doors. Campfires not withstanding.

 The self-cleaning grill could, out of necessity, be an electrical appliance. plug it into an electrical source, set to cleaning temp, let it work. After a few minutes the charred food scrapes would fall off or at least soften so the grill could be scraped with out harming an elbow or two. Don't forget to unplug before doing the final cleaning step. Even a teenager would be able to clean the barby. Well on second thought........

   So, lets all support the BBQ industry. Lets demand new products that will be a benefit to us all. I challenge the reader to invent/build the items mentioned.

 

Hey, works for me.

Artificial lawn trees

It has come to my attention, the world needs a tree for the lawn. Oh, I know we have real trees. I mean artificial trees a home owner can “plant” in his/her front or back yard. They do not need to be full size. Just as long as they give off shade. They must, of course, be sturdy in order to support hammocks. Hammocks are important to a home owner. It is ideal for proper lounging. Not so much for the “blanket on the grass” type of lounging.

There is a certain benefit from this type of tree. Foremost is the falling leave problem all home owners face. Falling leaves. Yes, you heard right. Falling leaves. And falling branches. And growing branches. Yes branches can be an issue. They tend to grow out over areas one would not like to see. One of those said areas would be the next door driveway. Automobile owners tend to get excited about branches falling on their prized classic ride. Particularly, visiting auto owners. Falling branches tend to wreck a persons good standing with the insurance companies.

Artificial trees would be a deterrent for wild animals. They would be free from all types of insect. Unless of course they (insects) evolve into artificial tree types of critters. Then there would be an issue. Squirrels would not be able to chew into them. On second thought, I may be wrong. I have seen the destructive force of chewing squirrels and it is not pretty. At least they would pause to think things over after chipping a tooth. Squirrels could still build a home in said tree, but would need to dine elsewhere. Woodpeckers, on the other hand, would not be able to get food such as insects from the tree, so they too would move next door. And next door is the operative word. You want destructive critters to pack up and move.

Birds of the common yard variety would still be able to land and roost in this type of tree. Birds could build a home, raise their young and then migrate so they would not be around all year. (If only the home owners off-spring would do the same.) Just as long as they dine out. And the young move on. As apposed to the “jail yard bird”. These you do not want at any time.

The issue with the birds is more of a “house keeping” issue. They tend to be messy. Thus the “messy bird” saying. But a little soap and water should do the trick. Get a soap sprayer attachment for the hose, spray down the tree. That is all one would need to do to return the tree to its former luster. With the added benefit of watering the yard. Simple, isn't it?
As for the falling leaves. What falling leaves? Yes, that’s right. There would not be any fallen leaves. Artificial trees would not be dropping leaves each fall and growing new ones each spring. The tree would be green (or what ever) and in bloom all year. No more raking, picking up, trashing or burning of leaves! Perhaps the greatest benefit of all. Think of the possibilities. All the different styles of trees one could have. Bare trees, trees in full flower bloom, trees with fruit, pine cone types and so on. Different sizes of trees. Short, tall, one size fits all and just right.

Whole new industry would be born. Employment would rise. The community would be grateful. Honorary degrees for artificial tree arborist would be handed out like candy. Home owners would get awards for “most improved” and “best use of” ownership. Makes one want to buy a piece of property just to get in on this.
Hey, works for me.