Elmer gets a new ride.

Elmer Phud was sitting on his new porch in front on his new shed trying to relax. Elmer was thinking about stress. He came up with a perfect example of stress.
 
Stress happens when you find yourself the host of the Saturday night campfire and you run out of brewski's around midnight. Your date and the neighbors start to get real ugly. Mental stress goes without saying. Bodily harm is a real possibility. Total strangers (and new friends) disappear without a trace. Fish fillet knives flash in the firelight and ductape along with spools of 25# fishing line appears out of nowhere. The weak minded withdraw into themselves. People scream in the dark.
The next morning you will find empty brewski cans lying around and in the fire pit. Chairs upset and the firewood all gone. You can expect some of your plants to be dead and the grass trampled. A deck littered with cigar wrappers is not uncommon. Strange moaning coming from all directions, some from yourself. Around noon the guests from the night before will still have bloodshot eyes and an angry look. They may not talk to you until you have replenished your brewski supply.
 
Having defined stress Elmer decided to cause some.
 
Walking over to Skunks trailer and looking in the window Elmer shouted “ What ja doing then?” Skunk has selective hearing. This action startled Skunk into jumping up from his easy chair, spilling something onto the floor.
 
“%$&&^^%%$# fencepost” His yelled, spinning around. “Oh. It’s only you. I heard you sneaking up on me again. How many times have I told you, I’m a hunter, I can hear a Buck Deer breaking wind while chewing his cud when he’s standing behind a bear for protection. No need to shout. You made me bite my smoke in half.”
 
“I thought I smelled an old shoe burning. It’s only a little DOOBY ” Elmer said, laughing. “I thought you gave that nasty habit up for lent in 1975.”
 
Elmer Phud has known Skunk most of his adult life and he’s still living in the ‘60s. Long hair, beard and a short train of thought when it bothers to get started. Elmer does his best to see to it he has company and some entertainment now and then.
 
“I did but this is my last baggy from those plants we found a few years ago along the rail road tracks over by….over by…Hmmm....Don’t tell me. Oh yea, Flower Bay ” said Skunk, all the while trying to remain still but only managed to weave back and forth. “I hide it a couple of years ago. Forgot where until I saw it behind some rags in the shed. It’s good SSSSH_t too!”
 
“Well, since you need to get rid of it, I feel it’s my duty to come in and help you. Hope you stocked up on munches.”
 
Meanwhile the other suspicious caricatures around the lakeside ‘hood were off doing their thing. Mumbles and Stumbles went looking for garage sales. Elmer often wondered what they plan on doing with a used garage if they bought one. And how would they get it home? Do they look for certain colors? What size would one look for? Type of siding? Elmer's mind’s starting to wander just standing near that rope-a-dope.
 
Miles went into NOJOBLAND (town) looking for fishing gear for her honey, Wheels. Shirly Jo was sitting on the deck Talking to Mrs. Woody. It was a very nice day until Elmer mentioned a road trip. Elmer has a few failings.
 
They were in Shirly Jo’s living room eating leftovers. “Let’s run over to Melon’s Bait & Sushi Bar on Whatjagot Bay. I understand her husband sells golf carts “ Elmer said. “Maybe I can get one just like yours. Only with four wheels. And electric. Used. Cheap. With head lights. Not a Harley. Otherwise the same.” 
 
They decided to take Elmer's truck, “ONROAD2X2”. Elmer no sooner got it started than Skunk broke wind. The smell suddenly had dogs from a block away complaining. Elmer gagged and bailed out, cussing a blue streak. Luckily Shirly Jo had not gotten in yet so she was free to run for her life. The grass started to wilt. Skunk was grinning with that gap between his teeth showing and had the gall to say “Did I do that.” He was real proud. Needless to say, the trip was postponed while we waited for the smell to come down to a breathable level. It took two days.
 
They finally got to Whatjagot Bay to look at golf carts. Elmer did buy one for a reasonable price by promising his third born but he figured he got a good deal because the dealer didn’t know he only had two kids. He should hold his breath waiting for the third one. Elmer didn’t get old doing something foolish.
 
Elmer Phud took it home and added some headlights and a wood box on the back so it could be used for hauling things back and forth from the boat, the Looney “Toon.
 
Not long after that, Elmer's friend Pita and her two kids came over for a weekend of fishing. They enjoyed driving his new ride around until it came time to put it away. He always parked it facing the mobile home, which was not skirted yet. With both kids on board, Pita put it in gear and pushed the go pedal down and the cart jump forward and crashed into the house. It became jammed under the edge of the house and broke the headlights while bending the steering post down and trapping her in. The kids had ducked down so they were free and unhurt. Elmer deflated the tires to free her and the cart. The damages were not bad. The headlights and the steering wheel were turned into junk.
 
A couple of weeks went by while Elmer located a new steering wheel and repaired the cart. Did he throw away the broken wheel? Of coarse not. He recycled it, creating a trophy, which he gave to her as a reminder of the incident.
 
Works for me.