Toys

Fishing is a sport of toys. The more you times you go fishing, the more toys a person just has to have. The newer the better. Each toy must have a lot of gizmos so complicated only an 11-year-old grandson can operate it. Take my friend Skunk for example. Besides the Lake Place (Skunk N Shirly Jo’s Hollow) with deck and tool shed, they have a new model 20 ft pontoon with trailer, A 14 ft alum fishing boat with trailer, a newer SUV and to top it off an authentic old-fashioned three wheel Harley Davidson golf cart used to go between the lake and the lake place. Now don’t misunderstand me, this is typical of all the caricatures at the lake. We also have “Miles Mansion”, “Beerboy's Bed an Breakfast”, just to name a couple. They all have boats, trailers, trucks and golf carts. Not to mention playthings such as ski-bobs, water ski’s and personal water crafts. Each one has several thousand dollars of Toy’s at the lake. Some have new decks with a three season enclosed porch. All of which is used only during the summer season. These are toys because they are something that we do not need but want and use only during the summer.

Even computers are used for fishing. You can get fishing games, fish forecasters and lessons on how and where to catch and prepare your favorite fish. We need fish locators/depth finders, cell phones and marine radios. Computers are every where. If you use a computer you are bound to get a virus. The love bug got me. First it infected my computer, sending out false love letters, erasing files and fatally crashing my hard drive. A few days later it showed up again in the form of itchy red eyes, sore throat and ill feelings. Although I don’t think it erased any memory although some past details are sketchy. It has effected my ability to walk without it looking as if I am imbibing. Parts of my body have swelled to ten times its normal size (pupils, get your mind out of the gutter). It has reduced my external input audio sensors by half and my motor skills have deteriorated. It increased my nighttime audio output in the form of coughing, flatulence and gagging. Something I can do without. It has limited my RAM to an insufferable point. On the plus side it has decreased my desire for output and allows me to snooze before going to bed at night (if I am not in bed by 10:00 pm, I go home). It paralyzed the left side of my handsome face so now I can tell a ‘whopper’ with half a smile.

Toys can be dangerous. An example my friend Putz came by the other day. Her two kids wanted to ride the golf cart (Tuk-Tuk). I said it was O.K. if she would drive it. I knew she was capable because she uses carts when she golfs. Forgetting it is an electric cart; she put it in reverse gear and slammed the pedal to the metal with surprising and unexpected results. The cart slammed full power backwards, spinning and squealing the tires, throwing Putz and the kids forward, (and almost out) over the front of the cart. That was the most exciting ride the kids ever had and they only moved about a foot. It was about a half-hour before their eyes returned to normal size and after two or three whacks on the back, were in their proper place. Although Emerson hair permanently points forward.

Hey, if the women don’t find you sober they should at least find you playing with your toys.