THE BOAT LIFT

One early spring day, up at the lake, Elmer Phud was working around the RV when his annoying neighbor, Big Daddy Phunk stopped over.

“What's ya doing.” said Big Daddy.
“Working,“ yelled Elmer. (Big Daddy is hard of hearing)
“Well, as long as your not doing anything lets go down to the lake and watch Captain John dock his boat.”
“This is important work.” Said Elmer.
“On his new boat lift.”
“O.K.” Said Elmer, dropping a 2x4, which landed on Big Daddy's foot. “You’re a smooth talker.”
When the 2x4 hit his foot, Big Daddy reflectively slammed his hand into his forehead. Unfortunately he was holding a beer, which not only gave him a round welt, but also spilled down his shirt. When Big Daddy was done yodeling and entertaining us with his version of a rain dance, we grabbed a cooler of beers, gathered some neighbors and went to sit on Big Daddy’s ‘Toon.
Captain John spent a lot of time and money installing this old wreckage he lovingly refers to as “an engineering marvel”. But today was the first time he would attempt to put his large, wood, inboard boat on it.
“What's ya doing, Captain John?” said Big Daddy.
“Working.” said Captain John.
“I know it’s a wood boat but when are you going to put it on the lift?”
“Any time now.” says Captain John.
“It’s just about noon.” says Big Daddy.
Getting tired of this laurel and hardy routine, Elmer settled into a soft seat facing the lift, and took a heavy swig of beer hoping to kill the pain. They sat back ready to enjoy the view.
Captain John fired up the big engine, revved it up just to listen to the smooth rumble. This is a wood, in-board boat. Fixed propeller with tiller. Very difficult at best to maneuver, forward or back at low speed. He had to maneuver between boats tied to the dock on either side and aim it toward the lift. The other neighbors were betting which boat he’d hit first. The Captain backed up, aimed it and gave it some gas. Missed the lift. Backed up. Gave it some gas. Hit the lift off center. Now he’s getting irritated. Red in the face irritated. More people show up to watch. Being a friendly, help-full person, Elmer suggested he back up further and give it more gas. The captain backed up beyond the end of the docks and gave it half throttle. He came in, first with a zig then with a zag, his path marked by a wake. He hit the lift off center to the other side moving the lift closer to shore by about 2 feet, breaking his radio antenna, lodging the front half of the boat on the lift.
Elmer snorted down his beer, spilling most of it on himself trying not to laugh. Now Captain John's looking at Elmer. Elmer hot footed up the dock, to shore and his RV. Elmer decided not to stay to help him get the boat off the lift.
He’ll want Elmer's help next week end.