Tail Pipe Smoker

We spend a lot of time in our automobiles. Lets start smoking. No, not tobacco. Food.

If we had an apparatus to cook/smoke food in our vehicles and used it, we could have a hot meal waiting for us when we finally reached our destination. Just imagine the look on your co-workers face when you tell them the hot breakfast you have with you was cooked by your vehicle as you were driving to work.

“Hey Ralph, where did you stop for the hot breakfast?” Your co-worker would say.

“I didn't need to stop, Arlene. My New automobile oven made this for me as I was driving to work.” you reply. “I asked a homeless person to reach in and flip the sausages when I stopped for a red light. Sorry, I didn’t make enough for both of us.”

She does a double take, stares speechless. Puckers up like a fish. Priceless.

This apparatus, once bought and installed, would resemble an oven. Powered by the hot air produced by the auto’s exhaust. After all, there is a lot of heat from said auto wasted just driving around. If you drive a SUV/Station Wagon type, it could be installed behind the back seat, accessible from the rear only. We don’t want someone to have an accident while reaching around to flip the sausages. May as well let them use the car phone at the same time. Result would be the same.

“You’re going to jail? Why?” Your former co-workers ask.

“I ran over a dog while flipping burgers.” You reply.

Not the best situation as you can imagine.

Cooking while driving will be a great time saver for those who are always behind in their daily lives. That pot roast for hubby would be a breeze. Stop at the grocery store, buy the ingredients, throw them into the auto-oven, turn it on with proper temperature setting and drive home. Be prepared to circle the block a few times until the timer dings. For those techno geeks out there, a model could be fitted with remote control much like your fancy TV is today. Our lawmakers may need to enact another frivolous law banning the use of remotes while driving.

“Again, why are you going to court?” From your spouse.

“I was stopped for illegal use of a dangerous remote.” You tell your spouse. You may want to avoid that conversation.

Cooking while driving has been around a while as evidenced by the following from Wikipedia.

Engine Cooking is the art of cooking food from the excess heat of an internal combustion engine. Typically the engine of a car or a truck. The phenomenon may have started when truckers began to heat their lunch from the heat of the engine of their vehicles. It is a method that has been known for decades not only by truckers, but also as a bush craft by adventurers. The method of cooking with the heat of an engine is a viable way to prepare your meal while on an adventure trip, and is even known to be used by people during power cuts when they cannot use their kitchen appliances.
 
The first engine cooking experiments were done by hungry truckers who came up with the idea to make a small vent hole in the lid of cans of soup, and then place it on the hot exhaust manifold before hitting the road. When arriving at the destination, lunch was ready. This however cannot be recommended as cans used for canned food are typically coated on the inside in a layer of epoxy resin.

Other communities has been embracing engine cooking. These being van dwellers and people living by the road. Several of these communities have addressed the topic to cook on the heat of your car engine on online blogs. The principle for preparing food from the excess heat of a car engine is simple. A hot-spot is identified, for example the exhaust manifold. The food that is to be prepared are wrapped in several layers of tin-foil. This serves two purposes. The first purpose is to act as a conductor so that heat is distributed evenly. The second purpose is to shield the food from any contaminants present in the engine compartment. The food is secured using steel wire and tied down to the hot-spot. Finally the car is driven until the food has been cooked.
 
Just imagine the joy of smoked fish. You go to the lake, catch a few fish, throw them into the oven, add some wood chips, set to smoke and drive home. The oven emits smoke out the back, if its properly vented, that is. Be prepared for some un-informed fool trying to stop you to tell you your auto is on fire. Just ignore them. Stopping may affect the time and temperature. Large amounts of smoke out the back is normal for this situation. If it is not properly installed, not only will the fish be smoked and editable, but your spouse may take a fork to you also. A situation to be avoided if at all possible. You may not want to explain, in court, how a fork led to your divorce.

“Sir, will you explain to this court again the reason your former spouse is suing you for support?” The judge will ask.

“Beats me, your honor. I was just smoking on the way home.” You reply. “She took one look at me and got smoking hot under the collar. I took the fork away from her just as she was reaching for the steak knife.”

I suggest you avoid this situation all together. So lets all do our part. Buy an auto-oven today and enjoy surprising everyone with your ingenuity. And if this type of cooking oven does not exist, invent one. I, for one, would volunteer to use it for the life of my automobile. My other half is used to my eccentricities. She’s always hot under the collar. I may have to lock up the silverware.

Works for me.