Artificial lawn trees

It has come to my attention, the world needs a tree for the lawn. Oh, I know we have real trees. I mean artificial trees a home owner can “plant” in his/her front or back yard. They do not need to be full size. Just as long as they give off shade. They must, of course, be sturdy in order to support hammocks. Hammocks are important to a home owner. It is ideal for proper lounging. Not so much for the “blanket on the grass” type of lounging.

There is a certain benefit from this type of tree. Foremost is the falling leave problem all home owners face. Falling leaves. Yes, you heard right. Falling leaves. And falling branches. And growing branches. Yes branches can be an issue. They tend to grow out over areas one would not like to see. One of those said areas would be the next door driveway. Automobile owners tend to get excited about branches falling on their prized classic ride. Particularly, visiting auto owners. Falling branches tend to wreck a persons good standing with the insurance companies.

Artificial trees would be a deterrent for wild animals. They would be free from all types of insect. Unless of course they (insects) evolve into artificial tree types of critters. Then there would be an issue. Squirrels would not be able to chew into them. On second thought, I may be wrong. I have seen the destructive force of chewing squirrels and it is not pretty. At least they would pause to think things over after chipping a tooth. Squirrels could still build a home in said tree, but would need to dine elsewhere. Woodpeckers, on the other hand, would not be able to get food such as insects from the tree, so they too would move next door. And next door is the operative word. You want destructive critters to pack up and move.

Birds of the common yard variety would still be able to land and roost in this type of tree. Birds could build a home, raise their young and then migrate so they would not be around all year. (If only the home owners off-spring would do the same.) Just as long as they dine out. And the young move on. As apposed to the “jail yard bird”. These you do not want at any time.

The issue with the birds is more of a “house keeping” issue. They tend to be messy. Thus the “messy bird” saying. But a little soap and water should do the trick. Get a soap sprayer attachment for the hose, spray down the tree. That is all one would need to do to return the tree to its former luster. With the added benefit of watering the yard. Simple, isn't it?
As for the falling leaves. What falling leaves? Yes, that’s right. There would not be any fallen leaves. Artificial trees would not be dropping leaves each fall and growing new ones each spring. The tree would be green (or what ever) and in bloom all year. No more raking, picking up, trashing or burning of leaves! Perhaps the greatest benefit of all. Think of the possibilities. All the different styles of trees one could have. Bare trees, trees in full flower bloom, trees with fruit, pine cone types and so on. Different sizes of trees. Short, tall, one size fits all and just right.

Whole new industry would be born. Employment would rise. The community would be grateful. Honorary degrees for artificial tree arborist would be handed out like candy. Home owners would get awards for “most improved” and “best use of” ownership. Makes one want to buy a piece of property just to get in on this.
Hey, works for me.