After doing his morning routine, Elmer needed something to eat. He wanted to go for a doughnut. But he didn’t think any of the usual caricatures would give him one or even let him in their lake place. Most of them have installed a security light and alarm for just such a situation. So he got a cup of coffee and went out to sit at the deck table.
Elmer Phud had a dream last night. About a new kind of “Toon. One that would make every guide jealous. It would be a larger “Toon somewhere around 9ft wide and 26ft long. Able to carry more clients than others of comparable size. It would be fitted with a 240 horsepower diesel motor with twin inboards for running to the far side of the lake in a hurry, but still be able to throttle down for trolling. The “Toon would have a 200-gallon tank for diesel fuel allowing it to stay out for a long extended trip. Of course it would have all the latest gadgets both mechanical and electrical. For docking, the captain would just push a button on the space age console then the “Toon would shorten itself to 18ft using electricity and hydraulic machinery, guide itself in and tie itself to the dock. No deck hands needed. No wages to pay. Thus he would be able to tie up to a 18ft dock and not be charged rent for a large dock space. Just think of the money one would save.
It goes without saying the radio would play only country and western music. It’s a well known and documented fact fish prefer this style of music. Playing this type of music saves on the cost of bait. Once the fish hear the music they want to get closer, thus they tend to jump on board.
The rods and reels would be state of the art only. They would be made from materials mined from the surface of the moon thereby glowing in the dark. They would have GPS built into it. It would communicate via wireless to an on-board computer with access to worldwide data banks. It would know not only where the fish is in relation to the “Toon but what type, but how big & if you have programmed it right, whether or not it is one the customer would keep. It could then decide what type, size of bait (it would notify customer when to put on the bait) and knowing the wind speed and velocity, could go ahead and cast it for the customer. It could be programmed to keep track of the number & type of fish the customer has caught and when it has reached the limits, refuse to cast any more that trip. This feature would cut down on the number of DNR violations. Although the rod and reel (after setting the hook) could then reel the catch in and flick it into the right bin, the customer should do it. After all, one must be able to say they caught it. Bragging rights ya know.
Other new features to be built in. Example: an automatic fish scalar, flash freezer and packaging would be a big seller. When the paying customer catches a fish and he/she decides it’s a keeper, he/she would just toss it into the color-coded and highly visible chute. The machinery would take over. It would scale the fish, fillet it then flash freeze it. It would package the fish with the type, size & who caught it. It could be programmed to add the time, date and name of the guide and “Toon along with the name of the lake. Thus providing advertisement. The customer would collect his catch, once back at the dock, from a well-marked locker. A good time would be had by all.
As you can see, this “TOON would be a natural extension of the state wide franchise “THE PORCH FISHING GUIDE SERVICE”. If you bought one of these contraptions, as the captain you would still sit on a porch and help others. The porch would just be on the “Toon.
Other models could be made. Example: a ”large family” model or the “just married” model. The market is huge. Estimated to be in the billion-dollar range.
Elmer Phud had a dream last night.
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