Fisherman Anonymous Meeting

Elmer grabbed a cup of coffee laced with rum and strolled to the podium. He was the guest speaker for the meeting. The podium was actually a channel marker that was acquired mysteriously. The members are pretty sure it just floated in one day. Big Daddy Phunk painted it day-glow yellow so the members (& visitors) could make it out in the dim light. Woody put in used 40w light bulbs he picked out of the garbage cans. Woody is not cheap just consumer challenged. 
 
“Hi. My name is Elmer Phud and I am a fishing guide” I said.
 
“Sit down”.
 
“Hi Elmer”.
 
So, with a few good cheers the Fisherman’s Anonymous meeting got started. We were meeting in the back room of Woody’s Bait Shack Resort. The resort is located on the west end of Smoke Lake in northern MN. At the end of a long dirt road. Woody’s caters to the Fisherman Anonymous group. We were the only steady year around customers the resort has. It was an old tackle room that was not open to the public any more. Located about 20 yards east of the main lodge. The room had acquired a distinctive odor over the years. Which was the main reason it was closed to the public. The smell was sort of a cross between old smelly socks and dead fish. Knotty pine not withstanding. The only member who could stand the smell for any length of time was Skunk. We were given the use of the room free of charge. That was the reason the rest of us tolerated the smell for short periods.
 
“How’s the porch guide business?” Yelled Skunk. He always yells ‘cause he’s deaf in one ear. He and his wife are year around residents in the resort. Sort of. They go to Texas for three months during the winter.

 “Well” Elmer said “I am getting busier every day. It’s starting to cut into my nap time. I’ve been thinking about expanding by putting in a porch swing so I thinking about taking on a partner. Pita say’s she may be willing to invest and learn from the master. So those of you who are getting lost so often, stop by and we’ll give you some real pointers”.
 
“But” Elmer said “tonight I want to talk about the fishing limits. I think it is unfair the DNR gives us a large lake with so many fish and yet only allow us to take 3 fish home. Have you read the label on a bottle of aspirin lately? They will sell you a large bottle with a zillion pills in it but they warn you not to take but three a day for three days. If you want to take more you should call your doctor. So what happens? You call and the Doctor tells you to stop taking them and come on in. Now you’re stuck with almost a zillion pills you can’t use. So I say why not call the DNR when you want to take more than the daily limit? That way you don’t need to stop fishing when you are on top of a school of fish and you can’t keep them off your hook. What’s the worse that can happen? You call the DNR and they yell at you to stop catching them. Tell you to go to the dock. You are stuck with a boatload of fish. Nice and legal. You can’t throw them back because its illegal for anyone other than the DNR to stock fish in a lake!”
 
Gasping for breath, Elmer continued “So if you ever catch more than 3 fish, call the DNR and explain the situation to them. They'll understand. And in closing let me repeat our motto “”Catch and release Hell, Hook’em and Cook’em!”” Thank you for your support.”
 
With that said, Elmer noticed most of the local caricatures were either holding their breath or breathing through their mouth. The smell was starting to become rather ripe. It was the normal fish bait smell along with the bacon, weenie and bean dinner everyone had. Elmer began to feel the effects of the cabbage he ate.
 
Someone shouted “Adjourn”.
 
“Starting to smell Like My home town,” said Skunk. “ Makes my eyes water just thinking about it.”
 
“Mine too” Elmer shouted “But for a different reason” as he headed for the small door.
 
People ran for the short narrow opening trying to get out. Not only did they pile up at the opening but also they could hear the effects of the dinner. Some of the more delicate people started to gag. When someone did manage to squeeze through, they ran to their fishing rig, started up and took off as fast as the rig would go, attempting to air wash the smell out of their clothes. Some shouts of “Get a stringer and Hang him” were heard so Elmer ran his rig for home as quick as he could. He found out later they were thinking of hanging Woody (for the small room and the choice of dinner menu) and not himself.
You are all welcome to come to the next meeting. We're having sausages and boiled cabbage.